I '36F' and my friend "L" '40-NB' have been friends for about 9 years.
Approximately 3 years ago I slept with my friend. It was fine. But (unrelated) shortly after they moved to Alaska for work. I knew they were moving. I live on the east coast of the US.
With the time difference and lack of phone signal in Alaska I basically lost all contact with them while they were in Alaska. Which made me very sad because I had considered them to be one of my best friends before they moved.
Twice they came to visit our state while living in Alaska. But I messaged them to arrange a meet and they completely ghosted me and did not see me for those trips. And I realized that they meant more to me than I meant to them. Which happens, thats fine.
They moved back about 6 months ago. And I have hung out with them twice. But our relationship is very different than it was before. They did apologize for ghosting me and hurting my feelings. But now they are back they hardly text me and we've only hung out twice when we used to text and hang out all the time.
Since they moved back it seems like they only message me when they want something. They never check to see if I'm ok or strike up a casual conversation. When I Needed something, I reached out to them and they refused to take an hour out of thier day to help me while my sister was dying. But I always help them when they ask.
Both times we hung out they made references to use sleeping together again. And I sort of laughed it off. I need to be emotionally attracted to someone in order to sleep with them. ANd because of the time, distance, and notatable difference in our friendship, I am no longer attracted to them in that way.
Every month or so they text me and reference us sleeping together again. And thus far I have been able to laugh those off. But last night they straight up texted me to ask.
Which is why I am here. I don't mind being friends with them. There aren't a ton of queer people in this area. We've all formed this sort of LGBT+ club and we all hang out on a regular basis. So even if I never wanted ro see L again, that wouldn't be possible.
So, how do I nicely say "Im not interested in sleeping with you again" in a way that wouldn't kill our friendship?
Any advice is appreciated.
TLDR, I slept with my friend 3 years ago and I need a way to tell them I don't want to sleep with them again without killing the friendship.