I panicked when my brother told me he bought condoms
(I don’t actually know if this counts as NSFW but I want to make sure it hits the right audience)
I want to start this off by mentioning that I have NEVER felt an attraction or interest in my younger brother. I know some people might suggest that and I want to clear it.
So, I am a girl (19 years old and diagnosed with Autism) and I live with my mum and brother (17 years old) due to personal reasons. Due to the space in the house, I share a room with my brother that is separated by a backed shelving unit in the middle of the room to attempt to give us separate spaces.
Recently, my brother has been through three or four girlfriends and I’m sure that’s normal for a boy his age; my issue is that he makes it my problem. When he has them over, I have to stay home to ensure teen pregnancy does not ensue. I’m fine with doing this job as I understand how damaging a teen pregnancy can be for people, that’s not the problem.
For some context, I have had this fear of sex for as long as I can remember. I don’t know if it stems from a childhood SA that I don’t remember or it’s just something in my head, but it never goes away. The idea of sex makes me need to leave the room, the idea of any form of intimacy makes me want to throw up, and the image of an actual penis does make me throw up.
Recently, my brother bought condoms. Fine. Whatever. His choice, I suppose, at least he’s being safe. And he asked me to make sure my mother never sees the package. Now that part doesn’t make sense because my family has always promoted safe sex and when I was about 13 condoms were just in the bathroom cupboards.
I did end up telling my mother because the conversation made me uncomfortable. Not because he’s active, that’s his business. But I didn’t get why he told ME. He knows how I feel about it and decided to make me aware of his life stage. He does it repeatedly too, constantly telling me he’s not a virgin and he’s experienced now. He makes a lot of sexual jokes, and while I don’t think they’re aimed directly at me in that way, they certainly feel targeted.
His recent behaviour doesn’t help. He’s been rather creepy recently; stealing balls of my hair from my brush and leaving them all over my room, going through my phone while I sleep, and constantly commenting on the length of my skirts or cut of my tops.
Again, I have never had any feelings of attraction to a man or boy and especially not my little brother who I practically raised when I was very young. So this conversation felt out of the blue and scary. The first thing in my head when he told me he bought them was ‘oh, okay, that happened’. And then I thought about it again and all my nights of studying true crime came back. As the only man/boy in the house, my brother would statistically be the person most likely to kill or even r*pe me if I angered him to that point.
I want to know if I was wrong for these worries. Was I wrong for thinking such horrible things about my brother, even for a second? Was I wrong for telling my mum even though he asked me not to? Am I just overreacting and overthinking because sex is a very uncomfortable topic and idea for me?