My baby died 2 months ago and until now I still haven't understood what happened.
My first trimester was horrible, I got diagnosed with HG and I was not able to eat properly. His first ultrasound was amazing, and I got to hear his heartbeat for the first time at 8 weeks.
The second trimester was amazing and smooth. My baby’s CAS was in flying colors which made me so happy.
At 31 weeks I got diagnosed with Gestational Hypertension. I was taking medication to control my BP but at 33 weeks I didn’t feel my baby moving, I could only feel him having hiccups which I thought was okay. While I was sleeping I heard a voice telling me to go to the ER immediately, so we went there and they tried to overstimulate my baby for hours but he’s not really moving but he still has a heartbeat. But when we did the ultrasound they found out that he no longer has amniotic fluid so they need to do an emergency C-section.
My baby stayed in the NICU for 16 days until he passed. But when I asked his doctors in the NICU, they could not give me proper answers. They said he has sepsis but after a few days it was resolved, but one thing that I noticed was that my baby was swelling, as I can no longer recognize him. They said they have to focus more on the more important thing which is his Lungs. But as a mother, the swelling really bothers me. He got the chance to breathe through a canula which is a big milestone for him but after 12 hours they intubated him, and this time, he is already suffering from Pulmonary hemorrhage. It was a really traumatic experience for me. The fact that the doctors cannot really answer our questions about why his whole body was swelling breaks me. They said something about his kidney but it was okay in the beginning, he was able to pee. I also cannot imagine my baby going through an autopsy. I don’t want anyone to cut his body.
I’m now in the process of healing and trying my best to live life with no proper answers. Holding on through prayers and hope. 😔