Hi Reddit,
I (33F) am getting married to my fiancé (38M) after 6 years together. We’re planning a medium-sized wedding in Italy… although like many weddings, the budget has been slowly getting out of control 😅
Here’s the situation.
My fiancé has a coworker (“Claire”) who has never liked me, and over time, I’ve reached a point where I don’t like her either.
Early in our relationship, he had a group of female coworkers he would go out with frequently. Weekly events, birthdays, outings… and I was rarely invited. It caused tension between us.
The one time I was invited, I was seated at the end of the table and ignored the entire night.
Another time, they organized a picnic and asked me to bring food. I spent hours cooking. We arrived about 15 minutes late… and they had already left, leaving us alone with everything I made.
When my fiancé confronted them, they openly said they didn’t like me and even told him he should leave me — after meeting me only twice.
Over time, that group fell apart. But this coworker remained.
Her behavior hasn’t improved:
- She came to my fiancé’s birthday at our home and ignored me
- She talks to everyone except me
- She invites my fiancé and my son to events, but never me
- She was upset not to be chosen as godmother
- She skipped our child’s baptism
- She once invited my fiancé to her child’s big birthday party (he’s the godfather) but didn’t invite me, saying there wasn’t enough space in the car
Because of all this, my fiancé gradually distanced himself from her. They barely saw each other outside of work anymore.
Recently, she went through a breakup and seemed more calm and pleasant, so things became more neutral — more like distant coworkers than actual friends.
Now, the wedding.
She was not invited initially.
But another coworker mentioned the wedding at work, she found out, and my fiancé felt awkward… so he told her something like “you can come if you want,” assuming she probably wouldn’t.
She did.
And she added a +1 — her brother, someone we have never met.
At this point, I was already frustrated. But here’s where it directly impacts the wedding.
Our venue offered us an alternative room that I absolutely love — a beautiful stone space with alcoves.
The catch is that it’s divided into a main room and an annex.
If we keep our current number of guests, we are forced to split people between the two spaces, which is not the vibe we want.
However, if we reduce the guest list by just 2 people, we can:
- keep everyone together in the main room
- and use the annex as a proper dance floor
This would completely improve the flow, atmosphere, and overall experience of the wedding.
Right now, we are exactly 2 people over.
So yes — her and her +1 are literally the reason we can’t have this setup.
After everything that has happened over the years, I made a decision.
I told our photographer and videographer to avoid including her in photos and videos as much as possible.
I’m not planning to create drama. I’ll be polite, I won’t confront her.
I just don’t want permanent memories of someone who has consistently disrespected me.
My fiancé thinks it’s a bit harsh.
I feel like it’s the only control I have left in this situation.
So…
AITA?
Update - clarification :
Okay, okay… I see a lot of you are like my sweet revenge 😅
First, English isn’t my first language, so tell me if anything isn’t clear.
I want to clarify something about my fiancé, because Reddit posts don’t always show the full picture. He really has my back, always. I’m genuinely lucky, so please don’t go too hard on him. Back then, he did set boundaries with that whole group, which is why they drifted apart. And the birthday situation? That was honestly too much.
Anyway, they’ve clearly grown apart, and even at work people noticed a shift. She was absolutely NOT invited to the wedding. The issue is that one of his coworkers—who is invited—ended up talking about the wedding in the cafeteria, in front of everyone. My fiancé had specifically asked him not to say anything, to avoid awkward explanations. But of course… he did.
So my fiancé suddenly had all eyes on him, felt bad, and kind of half-invited her on the spot without really meaning to. When he told me, he genuinely felt awful. Yes, it caused arguments between us. He definitely needs to be firmer and just say “you’re not invited,” but he’s way too nice. I’m the “bad cop” in the relationship, and I’m okay with that. It’s also why I love him—he’s a genuinely good person—but conflict is not his strength. Still, he needs to work on that, because now we’re dealing with the consequences.
So here’s what we decided to do next. We’re going to meet her before the wedding—we invited her (and her +1) out, under the idea that we want to get to know everyone who might attend. But honestly, it’s also a way for me to see how she actually behaves with me in real life.
I want to be clear: if she’s respectful and everything feels normal, then fine—we’ll reconsider and maybe let it go.
But if she’s still acting weird, dismissive, or inappropriate with me, then we’ll take it as confirmation and uninvite her. At that point, we’ll just say we’re keeping the wedding very small and that there was a misunderstanding.
As for the wedding itself, I had a very specific vision for the photos—I asked the photographer to make sure every guest has at least one nice individual picture. But honestly, if she ends up coming, I won’t go out of my way to include her in that. I don’t want to create memories with someone who doesn’t respect me.
Also, small update on the venue: we found a solution and can keep our original room, but it will cost an extra €8 per guest (if she come).
And finally, I still don’t understand how she felt entitled to say yes in the first place. For context, we’re European (I’ll keep it vague for privacy), and there’s this kind of unspoken, slightly hypocritical rule: sometimes people “invite” you out of politeness. If you don’t receive a proper invitation, you’re supposed to understand it’s not a real one… and you politely decline. I’ve done it myself—even with my godfather. And guess what? He declined, because he understood it was just a courtesy invite.
Anyway… we’ll see how this plays out. I’ll keep you posted.