I (F) am really struggling in my relationship and I need outside perspective because I feel like I’m going in circles.
Basically, I feel like I’m the only one maintaining basic structure in our home. Things like cooking, cleaning, hygiene, and general responsibility only get done if I say something. If I don’t bring it up, nothing happens. And when I do bring it up, it turns into attitude or defensiveness like I’m “telling him what to do.”
Examples:
* Cleaning up (like his side of the room or dishes) only happens if I remind him.
* Basic hygiene has been an issue too (like not wanting to shower after work before getting in bed).
* When I bring things up, he often reacts like I’m nagging or trying to control him instead of just… asking for basic help/responsibility.
Theirs more this is just some of the issues I’m facing .
It’s gotten to the point where I feel more like I’m managing everything than actually being in a partnership. I’ve even tried not saying anything for a few days just to see if he would naturally step up, and he didn’t.
On top of that, communication has been rough lately. If I mention something like cleaning or hygiene, it sometimes turns into arguments or him getting irritated, saying I’m acting like his mom.but if I don’t ask it won’t happen like at all
I’m honestly just frustrated because I feel like I’m growing and trying to build structure, and he’s comfortable just doing nothing unless prompted.
I’m not trying to bash him I just genuinely want to know:
Is this something that can be fixed with better communication and boundaries, or is this a deeper incompatibility issue with responsibility and effort?
tl;dr. Would really appreciate honest advice from people who’ve dealt with similar situations.