Hi team! I’m in my lates twenties and at the time in my life where everyone I love is getting married. I’ve been so honored to be in so many people’s weddings- I was in four last year, and I began recovery in earnest about two weddings into the year, so I’ve mostly existed in a smaller body while wearing those god-awful chiffon dresses. Like seriously I love my friends but if I have to stuff myself into all the poorly-constructed frills and debate the difference between powder blue, sky blue, and dusty blue one more time I may lose my mind.
I’m only in one wedding this year, in June (I’m going to two others, but being in it is the hard part- I have very little say over my dress, am going to be in a million pictures that will capture every little detail, you get it). I have already picked out my dress and gotten it altered so it fits but has some wiggle room for body changes before then. That was a nightmare partially because bridesmaids dresses always suck, and mostly because the beloved bride, who is so sweet, and the only other bridesmaid are both very small and traditionally thin people.
I’ve recovered into a bigger body than I’ve ever had before and am now a much bigger dress size than either of them has ever had to even think about. That’s not a misconception in my head, it’s just the truth. And most days that’s fine! But the combination of this dress that I already don’t love, combined with a body that I still barely tolerate on the best days, combined with feeling like I will standout like a sore thumb next to these two thin l girly-girls, has me freaking out.
I know logically that no one will be looking at me or care that much. But that’s often a really frustrating framing for me because that doesn’t make me stop caring about it for myself even though I want to and the cognitive dissonance is astounding. I know also that this day just simply isn’t about me and I will inevitably do whatever my friend wants because I love her and it will all be fine. I’m talking about this in therapy and secure enough in my recovery that I can catch a backslide before it spirals. So I will be ok.
But I’m wondering if anyone else has had to do this or something similar in recovery and has any tips or thought patterns, no matter how unhinged, on how to make it more bearable. The current plan is to power through the day and just wait until I can have enough at the open bar to stop caring, but if there’s anything that can make the whole day before that easier I’d love to give it a shot :)