A couple of days ago, we put down one of our dogs, and I’m still grieving. On that day, it was me, my ex, my mom, my stepson, and his girlfriend. My stepson and his girlfriend left because they couldn’t handle the process, so it was just me, my mom, and my ex who went through it.
Afterward, my ex asked if we could see our other dog, the one living with me, and I said yes. Everyone came over, I ordered food, and we watched videos and looked at pictures of our dog. We had some drinks. After a couple of hours and quite a few drinks, my ex asked who “X” was, since her name was around the house and on my TV subscriptions. I told her X is a woman I’ve been seeing. For context, we’ve been separated for 9 months, and I started dating someone 2 months ago.
Soon after I told her, she said she was happy for me, and I told her she would find someone too. As the night went on, she started saying how much she loved me, which made both me and my mom uncomfortable. My mom left shortly after, and then my ex started begging me to take her back. At that point, I told her she needed to leave and got her an Uber, but she wanted to stay the night.
I’ll be honest, I don’t believe her. I didn’t feel loved for 5 years. I felt disrespected and unappreciated the entire time, and those are the things that define love for me. I told her directly that she felt blindsided because all of her needs were met, but mine weren’t. I asked her if she even knew what my needs were, because I knew hers, and she had no idea about mine. It felt like a one-sided relationship. And now I’m supposed to believe that she loves me?
Am I wrong to think that when someone loves you, they do things that make you feel valued and happy? That’s what love is to me. If I love someone, I make sure their needs are met. I know it’s hard to define love exactly, but she never fought for us. She only started saying she loved me and begging me to come back after we had already separated and everything was finalized. She had 1.5 years before the separation to do something, and she didn’t.
The problem is, I still love her, but I just don’t believe her version of “love.”