Hi everyone,
I’m dating a woman who has only been with men before, and I’m trying to understand something that’s really confusing (and honestly a bit painful) for me.
What we have feels very real:
- strong emotional connection
- physical intimacy
- affection, closeness
- we genuinely enjoy being together
She says she has feelings for me. That part is not the issue.
But sometimes she starts questioning everything we have. From ”oh yes, its so cool” to ”omg, that’s horrible”.
Or she gets stuck on the fact that:
- there are no familiar gender roles
- no “script” like in her past relationships
- and then everything suddenly feels unclear to her
From my side it’s confusing because…
it feels like a relationship. A good one, actually.
But for her, the lack of a clear structure and also plenty of fears related to coming out sometimes make her doubt whether she can be in relationships with women at all — even though she clearly has feelings and enjoys what we have.
So it ends up feeling like:
- one moment she’s fully in it
- the next she’s unsure what this even is, maybe better to stop
And I get emotionally whiplashed.
My question to late bloomers:
Did you ever experience something like this?
Where the feelings were there, but you were scared or not sure what to do with it?
how long did it take?
What helped you to process?
And if you were on the partner side —
what actually helped (or didn’t help) from your side?
I really care about her, but I’m struggling with the back-and-forth.
Would really appreciate hearing your experiences 🤍