I go to bed every day scared about the changes from HRT.
Hi all, I'm in a rough spot. A very rough spot. I know mentally I am unwell but where I live, there I just no support for trans people so I don't know whether it's internalised transphobia or genuinely I shouldn't be transitioning.
Prior to hormones I hate my body so much. I hate my face, I hate my shoulders, I hate the feeling that no matter what I do I can't shrink my skeleton to make it smaller. I feel like an ogre. I hate my voice, I hate my body hair, I hate my genitals.
Yet, when I take hormones I'm scared, scared im making a mistake, I have such strong intrusive thoughts that it's a mistake and that I won't let myself continue.
But why did I get here in the first place? I want to see a psychiatrist but I'm worried that they'll be transphobic and not understand. I'm worried that if they find out I've tried HRT they will refuse to help me. I live in the UK and everything has really gotten to me, I think every single person I meet is transphobic, especially medical professionals.
I feel like my brain is broken. I'm going to lose my job. I'm worried I'm going to do something stupid.