I 18F was gifted a DNA test a month ago and the results just came back today and they’ve only confirmed what I’ve thought at the back of my mind for years.
For context my “father” is British (maybe around 75+ yrs), and he passed away in 2018 when I was 9 and my mother is Chinese and 59 yrs. People I’ve met are often really shocked when I tell them I’m half white and not fully Asian. Alongside this my parents were married 3 months before I was born but I was born in China with a Chinese name which was changed around two years later. My mother was previously married for an unknown amount of time before marrying my father, so all these things added together have made me suspicious.
I’ve brought up trying out a DNA kit for fun multiple times over the years and she’d always give me snappy replies asking “why do you want to do that” and “they’re never accurate anyway.” I haven’t really had the money to pay for one but my best friend bought me one for my birthday and when my mother saw the box in my room she went on another rant about how they’re so inaccurate and a waste of money.
I used the MyHeritage DNA test and the results came back as 97% Chinese and 3% south East Asian. I know DNA tests aren’t always accurate but surely it’s not possible it could be this inaccurate? I don’t know if I should confront my mum about this as I have been grieving the absence of a father for over ten years when my biological father is potentially out there somewhere. But if the test was wrong and I accuse her of lying to me then she will probably never forgive me and I’ll cause permanent damage to our already rocky relationship.
Sorry if my writing is a bit jumbled at times I’m honestly speechless and I don’t know what to do any and all advice would be massively appreciated :)
EDIT: thank you all so much for the replies you’ve been incredibly helpful. I just wanted to clarify that him not being my biological father does not diminish his role in my life at all. He provided me with the most amazing childhood the main reason I’d want to look into this further is for health reasons as he had lots of health complications which led to his passing so it’s important for me to be aware of possible complications I may inherit. The second half of it was just about having some peace of mind about this whole thing as it’s just been a small burden in the back of my mind since I was 12.
EDIT 2: just to clarify some misunderstandings. When I talk about grieving the absence of a father I don’t expect that finding my bio father will change anything I think the time where having a father figure would be most important has passed and I’m fully aware I can’t change that. But not having a father figure has contributed to a number of issues in my experience growing up and above that I just want some answers to why this has been kept a secret for so long. The reason is likely to be extremely sensitive so I’m going to create a plan on how to approach this once I have completed all my exams and come back from my month trip to China. If anything new comes up I’ll update this post. But thank you for all the amazing advice and support you guys have given me it means a lot :) Also unfortunately I can’t change the title but the corrected title should be “ANCESTRY test may have confirmed my father is not my biological father”