AITA for having my best friend's ex officiate my wedding?
Obligatory throw away account because I have no idea who involved might use Reddit.
I (24F) recently got married to the love of my life (27M). Ever since I was in elementary school, my best friend has been Missy (24F) and we have been like sisters. It was obvious from childhood that we would be each others' maids of honor when we each got married, so obviously when my fiance proposed, I asked Missy to be my maid of honor.
Since neither my new husband nor I are religious (but our state requires a member of the church or a justice of the peace to officiate a wedding) we were going to pay to have a mutual friend get ordained online and perform our ceremony.
The problem is, this friend ghosted us a week before the ceremony. Last minute, my husband reached out to an old college buddy (James, 32M) of his who is a minister to perform the ceremony.
Missy and James had been in a relationship a few years ago and it ended badly when James cheated on her and got the other girl pregnant. I knew that they had been together and it ended, but I didn not know why until right before the ceremony. I will admit, I was not the kindest to her concerns the day of because I was focused on getting married (and apparently not setting myself on fire), but she spent a lot of time with my bridesman and seemed okay after the ceremony.
However, when I got back from my honey moon I got a long text from Missy telling me how awful seeing James made her feel and how disrespected and unsafe she felt during the whole wedding and reception. My bridesman, whom she was with the whole night, and my new husband both think she's being unreasonable in blaming me for this situation, but she's my best friend and I feel awful that she didn't get to enjoy my wedding because of this situation.
Edits, so I don't have to reply to everybody: I did not know James cheated on her until she told me that day. We drifted apart while we were in college because we went to college in two different states and this relationship happened while I was away. She didn't tell me any of this presumably because she did not want to dwell on it.
Calling James an "old college buddy" was poor wording on my part. They were in the same academic fraternity and that's how they knew each other. It is a small-ish college town, people go hard for their alma mater.
I guess I should have made it clearer, Missy did know and said she would be okay, so I trusted her. Turns out she was not okay, and that's a completely valid response considering what happened. I don't really know James, I just know him through my husband, who obviously didn't know any of this. We were just both scrambling to find an officiant--who we had been trying to contact for weeks prior to this. It was just a week before the ceremony that we decided to find someone else.
Am I the asshole?