u/Aggravating_Wind8838

To start this off, I really struggle with my relationship with my mil. We have quite a personality clash. She has a very low level of social awareness and courtesy for others. For instance body shaming people to me for a laugh in public (never funny), saying I should have introduced her to people at my kids birthday parties. Shes is the epitome of a “pick me girl” and says she never gets along with other girls. LUCKILY my husband wasn’t primarily raised by her and I have full support and validation and experience but cant help but feel guilty that our relationship has been what it is. She has been the most UNRELIABLE person when it comes to the parental support of raising my kids. She can never help when we need it the most and shows up after we figure out our struggle and it feels taunting. So I started saying yes to her seeing the kids ONLY if it is during a time frame that benefits the support of kids and our household. For instance, she can see the kids during my work meetings, when I need to run errands or there is a need. She has a very limited amount of mental/emotional capacity so if she sees the kids on a random Tuesday she will say she is unavailable the rest of the week, hence my structuring of the time. If you could weigh in on what you would do?! How would you go about navigating something like this because I am seeing it slowly chip away at our relationship from what little is left.