My partner (mtf 22 who uses any pronouns) and I (nonbinary 23) have been together for almost three years and got engaged two months ago.
When we first started dating I let them know about how when I first came out my family forced me to be bisexual because it was easier on them and everyone around me. I tried for years and it just didn’t work for me at all because I wasn’t attracted to women or feminine presenting people. My partner completely understood and we called it good.
Later my partner came out as a fem boy and I thought that was fine and it didn’t change much of our dynamic so I completely supported the and also bought them more feminine clothing.
November 2024, they started HRT and that was hard to adjust to, I continued to support them as best as I could but it was hard to adjust to and still not fully adjusted to. Last year they the came out as gender queer and agender which wasn’t to surprising with everything else going on but I continued to support them and express here and there the difficulties here and there without trying to pressure them to stop.
Last week when we were at a party, they started telling people that they were trans and using feminine pronouns and I was caught off guard because we hadn’t had that conversation yet. Once we left I asked them about it and they were honest with me and letting me know that they are thinking about bottom surgery but was 50/50 on it because they weren’t sure if they wanted to fully transition yet. We talked about it some more and we called off the engagement because we were unsure on what way our relationship would go.
We have had multiple conversations since and we are leaning towards separation down the line because I won’t be attracted to them, but not till they are farther along. I had been having a hard time finding if it’s better to wait till they are farther along or do we separate when our lease is up. They have still been calling me their soulmate. I don’t want to hurt them more when they are already crying themselves to sleep most nights. I just don’t want to give them false hope. I’ve been stressed and depressed through it all and I know they have as well. I have brought up them going to therapy but they don’t want to and I won’t force them to go. I’ve been going and it has helped me I just don’t know what to do to help them or what is best for them.