I’m a 27M talking to a 21F, and I’m looking for some genuine, respectful advice on how to handle disclosure.
We’ve been getting to know each other for about 4 months now, long distance. Even though the “honeymoon phase” has settled a bit, we still have a really strong connection and great chemistry. We haven’t met in person yet, but we’ve been making plans to see each other soon.
I have HSV-2, and I’ve always known that I want to be honest and upfront about it. My original plan was to tell her in person when we meet. I’m not afraid to disclose — I just want to do it in the right way, at the right time, and with care for her feelings.
Recently, though, something came up that’s made this more complicated. Her ex (they broke up about 5 months ago) reached out to her asking if she might have given him herpes. She told me about it, and in that conversation she expressed that she wouldn’t want to be with someone who has herpes. I understand where that perspective comes from, but hearing that has definitely made me feel stuck.
Now I’m at a bit of a crossroads. I care about her, and I don’t want to mislead her or let things go further without being honest. At the same time, I don’t want to cause unnecessary hurt or make this harder than it needs to be — especially since everything between us has been going really well.
For context, I take my health seriously and would never want to put someone at risk. I just want to approach this in the most respectful, responsible, and thoughtful way possible.
I’d really appreciate advice from anyone who’s been in a similar situation — especially around:
- When is the right time to disclose in a situation like this?
- Is it better to tell her before meeting in person, or wait until we’re face-to-face?
- How do you handle it when someone has already expressed a negative view about herpes?
Please be kind — I’m genuinely trying to do the right thing here.