Edit: I know I have no right to complain to her because I don’t live there right now, in general just trying to see if she’s a poor roommate, or I’m being an asshole
I (college student, F) am trying to figure out if I’m being unreasonable about my living situation.
For context, I spend most of my time at my boyfriend’s place, which he shares with his sister and another roommate. There’s a chance I might take over a lease spot, so I’ve been paying close attention to what living there full-time would actually be like.
At first, everything seemed fine, but over time I’ve noticed a bunch of things that are starting to bother me:
Shared spaces don’t really feel shared. For example, my boyfriend’s sister put a large bookshelf in the dining room to display her toy cars, which takes up a lot of what’s supposed to be common space.
The kitchen situation feels uneven—cabinet, fridge, and freezer space don’t feel equally split… like she has 9 cabinets and the other roommates have 1.5 and 2 cabinets and it’s unclear what belongs to who.
There’s also a cleanliness mismatch. She keeps multiple dead plants around the house instead of throwing them away, which just makes things feel cluttered.
The dishwasher has been used as a drying rack for non dishwasher safe dishes without communicating, which caused confusion and she was angry that her dishes got “ruined” when someone started the dishwasher
Food boundaries are weird too—expired food sits around, but it’s unclear if anyone else is allowed to throw it away. They moved into the house in 2025 with food that expired in 2020, and move a box of oatmeal and candy she knew had ants in it.
The part that really made me uncomfortable though: she apparently counted her spoons, noticed one was missing, and then went into my boyfriend’s room to look for it. That crossed a boundary for me because it feels like private space isn’t fully respected.
She also keeps putting the other roommates dish trying rack under the sink, but when he did it back to her she freaked out, yelled at my boyfriend asked if he did it and when he said no she said “relay the message”
I haven’t had a direct conversation with her about all of this yet, and I know I’m not technically on the lease right now, so I don’t want to overstep. At the same time, I’m trying to decide if moving in would be a mistake.
So… AITA for feeling frustrated about these things and hesitating to move in? Or am I overreacting and this is just normal roommate stuff?