u/Aggravating-Stay4072

I’m so sad and hung up on not having a father my dad is a horrible person and a scum bag and I haven’t seen him for the past year or 2 but my “stepdad” is also very absent in my life he doesn’t talk to me and if he does it’s brief like 30 seconds and almost feel’s automated he rarely calls me by my name and I just stopped trying to even make a connection to him. He really just is in his garage all the time I can’t help but feel so lost in life i still and just crave that guidance of a father I want to learn about cool things and feel the connection of family again I hate coming home every to see my empty living room only to want the feeling of being a kid again and eating around the table with my mom dad and sisters and brothers I don’t know how to get over this feeling it takes over my life my partners dad treats me better then any father I’ve ever met he actually takes the time to make me laugh and he jokes with me but when he does in my mind I just think about how much I miss that feeling but he’s not my dad but in my eyes he’s the kindest father I’ve ever met and I’m very happy for my partner because he deserves to have a father like that and his family is very close and what I crave in my life but when I’m not there I’m just alone in my room wishing my dad could’ve been a better person. And I also feel bad for my mom she is the kindest woman in the world and she deserves better than my stepdad cause he doesn’t hangout with her either and if he does it’s also brief I know she just wants to be loved but she won’t let go I think she’s just scared of being hurt again and I get that.