I'll try to keep it brief but I'm looking for some advice or perspective. I'm not very experienced to dating, but I've mostly been in poly relationships. I don't really get jealous and I see that as a good thing. I'm used to being alone and don't seek enmeshment so I sort of identify as solo poly. Anyways, recently a friend of 13 years from across the world visited me with her husband (they've been together for 5 years) and she decided near the end of our time together that she wanted to try some sort of romantic relationship out with me since we are so close and talk all the time. For context, we hadn't seen eachother in person in 10 years and our relationship is just over voice messages/texts. I would consider her one of my closest friends. Her husband was cool with it and has some poly experience. She has been very traditionally monogamous her entire life. Anyways, we made plans for me to come to her country a few months later. During this time things were mostly really nice and we were excited to see each other and spend a week together have a fun vacation just the two of us. in the months leading up to this point I had asked her several times to have some sort of discussion of what we had envisioned our relationship to look like, and maybe come up with some sort of boundaries and know whats OK to talk about etc (like other partners or love interests for example). She insisted on waiting until we met up in person to set some expectations. I reluctantly agreed.
Fast forward a few weeks later, roughly 3 weeks before we are going to meet up in person. I told her I was going camping with another person for a few days. She asked me if I was planning to have a romantic or sexual time with this other person. I told her that I wasn't planning on it but it could happen if it felt right. She had a total breakdown and thought it was so trashy that I would be open to having a relationship with another person when we were going to meet up in just a few weeks. She claims that during this "falling in love phase" its not possible to explore different relationships simultaneously. This ended with several big fights, me cancelling my trip, and us having a friend break-up over this and its got me feeling a bit fucked up and wondering if I did something wrong. From my perspective as someone single I think considering she didn't want to have any conversations about boundaries and is also in a long-term stable partnership with someone else it is no surprise that I would be open to exploring romance with other people as I please especially since I am on the lower rung of their hierarchy. We had such a close friendship and I feel like she wanted to have her cake and eat it too. It seems ridiculous that she would continue having sex and going on dates with her long-term partner and expect that I would put my life on hold. I tried to have conversations breaking down monogamy with her and she refused. Am I wrong to be offended here by what I believe are unfair expectations?