Im 20F and visited my parents for holiday lasting 4 days. For context they lived in another country since my mom was working but she left the job so they moved back in our old house, which is in another city than my college and im in dorms.
I have been distant from my dad in that time trying to get used to being independent (although they track where i go from life360 and i sometimes need to leave my phone at the dorms just to hang out with my friends at a bar or hang out with my boyfriend, which i can only do at late hours because of how anxious i get thinking they can call anytime during the day) and have been talking more with my mom instead, hoping and feeling that she sees me more than he does. I was awfully wrong.
My dad always acts like a child, throwing tantrums, not letting us finish our sentence while talking since according to him he can predict whatever we are about to say next due to his ADHD.. (fyi i have it too and i always listen to people anyway) When i get mad at him or sigh at him, be slightly disrespectful at him in response he gets ANGRY angry. Like he would tell me i should get a reality check, get used to stereotypes and norms of family (i hate the word norm or normal because of him) and that the father should always be respected. Ever since i started living in dorms i had felt a part of me had healed from this mess, but since theyre back now and i had to deal with this for 4 days straight PLUS his side of the family also being narc and being there at that time, talking behind me when i go to my room to avoid them did not help at all, it all made my mental strangth weaken a lot and now im curled up in my dorm writing this thinking, why couldnt they just stay away for a little longer..
Today what broke me more than usual was my mom. She was helping me pack my stuff while she noticed how off i was, which to be fair, thanks mom for at least noticing and asking, but i did reject her when she asked if i wanted to talk about it and she just went off and created this story in her head with the little answers she got from me as i tried not to answer her. I had said it feels weird to come back home and to dorms they both feel so different since i felt so alive in one and so dead in the other. She literally said i was manipulating the family. I hadnt noticed. With the weak mental state i had at that time i thought wait oh god what if im actually the problem and manipulating everyone around me like this? Getting mad and sad over everything? I still feel a bit shaky about this feeling since it was this morning but i had a long 5 hour trip to think about everything and i came to the conclusion that my feelings might be getting ignored as well as theirs since im avoiding them and being very disrespectful, making it a chain reaction.
Theres more that happened but its just too much for me rn and i wanted to let it out cause i dont have anyone i can properly talk about this to rn.. thanks for reading nontheless