I’ve been with my partner for 4 years. Our wedding is coming up very shortly this summer. I feel amazing when our relationship is great. But when it’s not great it feels horrible and I question everything. Stress has been high and things are escalating.
Yesterday we got in an argument while cooking dinner. I was trying to char corn on the stove while he was using another burner. The oil was popping and it hit him and he started getting mad and being mean to me about it. I took the corn off the stove but was trying to tell him it bothered me about how mean he was being. I said he’s allowed to be mad and frustrated but it’s not okay to be mean about it. Then everything escalated and he was yelling that it’s my fault and he has a second degree burn now because of me (dramatic). I have a hard time walking away during these encounters and kept trying to explain my feelings and point and was saying sorry it popped on him and it was a mistake.
At this point he would not pause with me to stop arguing. I cursed and he didn’t like it. He started making comments saying “someone else would handle this by throwing you on the floor and cussing back”. I asked if that’s what he wanted to do to me and he said “I’m not saying I would do it, but I’m saying someone else would probably handle it that way”. I told him that is domestic violence and you would go to jail and then it got worse. He said “I could do it without leaving a mark” and “it would be my word vs your word unless you have a video”. He then proceeds to tell me I’m the only one who’s ever been violent because I’ve slammed a door and thrown a shirt in frustration while he’s screaming in my face while I’m begging him to stop. Which I apologized relentlessly for both of those when they happened.
He’s charged at me before but he’s never put his hands on me. I love him more than anything and it’s so confusing when these things happen. I feel like it’s all my fault and I’m the only one who tries to do any repair. I don’t understand how it can feel so good and then so bad in a moment.