Hi everyone, I’ve been on a discovery journey for some time now. I’ve been going on and off with ENM relationships, and I’m still figuring out if this is the best fit for me.
So far, my experiences haven’t felt good or aligned for me, and I’d really like to hear what others do when they are open to casual connections that might grow into something more—especially within a non-hierarchical poly setup, or any type of ENM when the person is a new connection.
I often struggle with the following topics: consistency, emotional availability, feeling considered vs feeling optional, balancing multiple partners while still being respectful to new connections, how to avoid feeling used or stuck in one-sided dynamics, and communication.
I understand that things need to grow over time, and I agree with that 100%. But whether something is casual or has the potential to grow into something more, I still expect a basic level of consistency and emotional presence. I don’t need constant communication, but I do need to feel there is mutual consideration and effort, not just interaction when it’s convenient for the other person.
I’m struggling to understand the idea that consistency, emotional responsibility, and communication need to be “earned” over time. For me, those feel like a baseline, even at the beginning. Otherwise, I feel like I keep experiencing the same unhealthy dynamics, both in monogamous and non-monogamous contexts.
I’m trying to understand whether this is about compatibility, expectations, or something I might be missing in how I approach these dynamics. 🙏🤓