Reached my breaking point, but my mom suddenly changed her behavior and now I have doubts
I'll try to keep this brief.
I've always had a bad relationship with my mother. We've never agreed politically, she mocked my multiple suicide attempts as a child, blamed me for getting bullied at school, when my grandpa died she said it should've been me instead, etc etc. I'll admit, I wasn't a perfect kid myself, and I definitely take accountability for some of my behavior when I was younger, but from my perspective and the perspectives of everyone I've ever asked, my mother was mostly the issue in our relationship.
Recently things came to a head after she randomly decided to look through my sketchbook. She took pictures of every drawing, including ones I made for my eyes only, and sent them to all our relatives. This wasn't the first time she's stolen my art to show to others, but at least before it was drawings I was ok with losing. I only found out because one day on my way to work she screamed at me for "drawing demons" when the drawing in question was a girl in a deer skull mask. As dumb as it sounds, I felt so violated. I had to leave work early because I kept bursting into tears in front of customers. The next day, I confronted her about it and she said "I only did it because you act scared when I open your bedroom door!" to defend herself, which I will admit I was but only because I had a scare over the possible death of a friend. She didn't know that, though. I don't tell her these things because I don't trust her to know.
Anyway, she burst into tears and did a whole "I don't wanna go to war with you over this" and "I was only mad at two drawings! That's it! The rest were fine!" Shpiel. But I had enough. I decided I was going to ignore my plan to save money and get my driver's license and just move out and figure things out later. I applied for job corps and made it about a third of the way through the application process.
It's been a month and a half, but I recently noticed my mom changed. She's still a bit rude at times, but she hasn't had a tantrum or screamed in my face in a while. She's even gone out of her way to do me favors without being asked, something she's never really done before unless she was in an extremely good mood. I haven't told her I'm leaving, nor do I plan to out of fear of sabotage, but it's like she somehow knows I'm leaving and is trying to convince me to stay. It's REALLY fucking with my head. I'm about to get my job corps start day and now the thought of it is bringing me nothing but dread and guilt. I suddenly feel like I'm making a bad decision, or that she hasn't done anything "bad" recently enough therefore me vanishing with no warning, especially leaving her alone with two young kids, is unjustified and I'm being evil and cruel somehow.
I'm not really looking for advice, although it is welcome. Honestly I just really wanted to vent and maybe hear some similar stories just to affirm to myself I'm not going insane.