I am currently pregnant after IVF (very wanted pregnancy) and I feel like my MIL is becoming overly involved in every aspect of it and I’m starting to feel overwhelmed and pushed out of my own experience.
On the surface everything she does looks like she’s just excited and trying to help. And I am grateful. But the reality is that it feels like I no longer have space to experience my own pregnancy. For example, she has already bought almost all of the baby clothes months in advance. While I appreciate the gesture, it also made me feel like I’ve lost the chance to choose things myself or enjoy that “nesting” stage. Now I look at baby shopping and think… what’s even left for me to do? It genuinely makes me feel like I’m being replaced in my own experience.
There have also been smaller moments that have built up. She asked me about a specific baby item, I told her what I preferred and even sent a link, but she still bought what she wanted instead. And just sent me the pic of it lol. It made me feel like my opinion doesn’t matter even when she asks for it?
She also wants to be involved in choosing bigger items like the stroller. When I express my preference (like I want it to be beige) she often responds with why her choice is better or more practical. Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t, but I feel like my choices as the mother should still carry weight. It’s like I don’t care what she thinks anymore and maybe I’m being rude sometimes but she pushes my boundaries A LOT.
On top of that she calls almost every day and brings food constantly. I do appreciate the help but it’s never just a quick drop-off. It turns into long conversations, advice and stories about her own pregnancies and births. That’s while my husbands working. Even when well-intentioned, it’s mentally exhausting and I don’t get much space to just rest (I really like spending time on my own, especially now and I need it and … yeah).
My husband doesn’t really seem to see it as an issue or doesn’t want to upset her (honestly I don’t want to either ) so boundaries haven’t really been set. More recently, my mom said she would buy the stroller. Now my MIL insists they “split the cost,” even though that wasn’t discussed with me at all. She keeps buying things without asking, or inserting herself into decisions that were already made, and it’s honestly starting to make me feel furious and irritated rather than supported. I guess I see she’s trying to help and idk if it’s the hormones but I feel overwhelmed, guilty for feeling this way, and angry at the same time. I want my baby to be loved and involved grandparents are great, but I also feel like I’m losing my own space in what should be my experience.
How do I set boundaries without damaging the relationship?