So here I am, having a midlife crisis
My 30 and 40 went so fast I barely recall it, but somewhere in my forties I started to become tired and boring...I gained weight, I stopped going out, spent too much time in front of the TV....somehow depressed.
Good thing, my SO is kind, and she was not excited to see me like this, but she rode the wave of this and the covid with me.
Come 50..with this huge FOMO feeling, that i wasted the last 10 years of my life, and this urge to catch-up. Inhave this feeling thats being a 50 years old man is like the end of everything that is fun. I suddenly feel this surge of energy and swing between moment of euphoria and depression.
There are positives and negatives things out of that i guess:
- I am losing my extra weight
-i am back in the gym, building lean mass
-I feel like traveling again
-I started to care about what i look like, taking care of my graying hair and using hydrating cream etc
-I have energy to go out, dance again, have fun.
-I have this urge to get a tattoo
-I suddenly find women younger than me interesting...before crucifying me on this one, I do not act on these impulses, I just acknowledge it's there and I am smart enough to know I have an exceptional woman sharing my life.
-I feel like starting boxing training....
It's probably due to my current state of mind, and i have no idea if this will change with time, but with all respect to my older fellow men around me, i feel
No interest at all in the way they seems to spend their time...for me, today it feel like a slow walk toward dead, with constant grieving as i gradually lose parts of myself.
I am in a somewhat positive distress state, where i am proud of improving aspects of my life, often sad with the feeling i wasted the last 10 best years of my life and desperate to have very little hope for an exciting futur. I am considering I should burn all my remaining fuel to climb as high as possible to finally quickly crash and burn instead of seeing me slowly lose part of myself.
Thanks for reading me, I needed to get this out of my chest