u/Affectionate_Copy513

Hello, my apologies if I formulate this weirdly, but honestly, this is a quite confusing situation, and I may rant a bit as a consequence of that. For some background, me and my two younger siblings, 13f and 11m, have been raised by my single mom for most of our lives. We come from quite a complicated background, with my father having abused my mom physically, and to this day financially when it comes to child support, alongside the fact he has sexually assaulted me when I was 12. Since then, I’ve been dealing with many mental health issues, such as depression and ptsd. My mother and siblings suffered a lot because of it, since I had attempted suicide, and overall was doing really badly. The fact that my father had keys to our house, since it was bought while my parents were already married, therefore it was his property too, did not help. Anyway, thing is we moved to another country in Europe, where family had offered to house us and help us get away from this situation, though after a while we discovered said family was abusing hard substances, and their behavior spiraled from there. We are now away from them, and have found our own space for now, but this is basically to explain a bit that my siblings have gone through a lot of traumas. Recently, my mother inherited some money- which was enough to get us back on our feet, and buy things we had to leave behind whilst removing ourselves from an abusive situation, which’s court case is still ongoing.

Now to the issue at hand, my sister has been having a hard time fitting in here. In her school, although she has ‘friends’ they smoke, and there’s always conflicts and dramas going on, along with shit talking, which has affected her heavily, and caused her to resent us for moving countries, as she seems to not remember that she had a hard time at our home country too, being bullied there. But, because her best friend lives there, she misses it and refuses to further attempt making new friends here, as she insists we must go back. She also refuses to attend therapy, as she views it as her admitting she has a ‘problem’ and hates speaking about how things affect her, as she tends to lash out often, but struggles with having calm conversations about how things affect her. We have tried numerous times to convince her to attend therapy, as me and my mother do too, but well, for now she doesn’t want to. Anyway, the thing is, I’ve started tutoring people as to make a bit of money, and always leave said cash in my purse- as to not misplace it or forget where I’ve left it. Except that, the other day, as I was looking for said cash, I could not find it anywhere- it was a 50€ bill. Upon trying to remember where I’d last seen the cash, I realized the last few times I went out with my purse, the bill hadn’t been there- I don’t know why I didn’t question that right there and then. But anyway, I asked my family if they had found a bill lying around, as perhaps my purse had fallen over, or something similar. They helped me look, but nothing came up. Then, when I checked my wallet, thinking maybe I’d kept it there, I noticed another thing- the day before, I had put in it two 100€ bills, and yet now there was only one. I immediately started suspecting my sister, as she’s had a past of stealing my things, alongside stealing loose cash from my moms wallet. I saw her wallet in the living room table, and so I followed my gut, and checked- and right there it was. A 100€ bill, and a 50€ one. I immediately went to my mother, and told her about my findings- she told me to keep quiet, and calmly ask my sister whether she’d seen my other hundred bill. Which is what I did. I asked her, if she’d seen it anywhere, as the day before she was with me when I was putting the cash in my wallet. She proceeded to gaslight me, saying the whole time I only had one bill, that I must be confused, and whether I’d lost even more money being careless. Then my mother came in, and confronted her with the truth. She simply broke down crying and didn’t say a word. I went to take a walk to clear my head, and for me that was all I did. My mother, however, had a conversation with her- which today she resumed to me. My sister basically said she doesn’t know why she did it, and proceeded to say how she feels left out, how she doesn’t fit in at her school, how she doesn’t know how to feel about my father (as she is still In contact with him. Yes, she is aware of the things he’s done) and how she wants to move away from here. My mother comforted her, and that was that. We also figured out, that another time last year when I was working during the summer, she was also behind 100€ disappearing from my savings.

Now, my sister has been asking for an iPhone 17 the last couple of months- the reason being, that her friends have such phones, and so she also wants to have that status. We are nowhere near rich, and have struggled financially the last few years, only now having received that small inheritance, which was enough for us to get back on our feet, and have a bit leftover. My mother has continuously refused to buy my sister said phone, as it costs a ridiculous amount of money- and offered to buy her a used iPhone 15, or so. Both me and my mother always buy used things. My sister had refused whatsoever, and kept insisting on the iPhone 17. And today I find out, my mother has actually given in, and will get it for her. I honestly feel betrayed, simply because there once again was no consequence for her stealing my things, and even worse yet, it feels as if she was being rewarded? I also don’t know how I am meant to act now. I am on anti depressants, and am pretty numb emotionally, which has helped a lot, but also makes it harder to know how to act. I don’t know whether I should be mad, hurt, refuse to speak to them both?

Honestly, I want some advice on how to handle the situation, and outsiders perspective on it.