Salam everyone,
I’m looking for some outside perspective.
My husband and I have been married for 4 years. We got married young (I was 21, he was 23), and at the time we didn’t have much but hoped to grow together.
Throughout most of our marriage, I was consistently working and contributing financially. He was in and out of jobs and never fully took on the role of provider, which I accepted at the time since we were still building our lives.
Early in the marriage, there were some controlling behaviors (questioning me excessively, monitoring where I was), which improved after family got involved.
Later, I had a high-risk pregnancy and was put on bed rest. During that time, he was not supportive — he didn’t help with cooking, cleaning, or basic care, and my mother stepped in to support me.
After our child was born, things got significantly worse. Over the course of about a year, I was constantly asking him for help with the baby and the home, especially while I was sleep-deprived and breastfeeding. Each time, he would come up short or make excuses. He was often out late and, on multiple occasions, wouldn’t come home until early morning hours (around 6 a.m.), always with a different explanation. At the time I tried to accept it, but looking back, I no longer believe those explanations. Meanwhile, I handled all night feeds, childcare, and the household alone.
When I returned to work full-time after a year, I became overwhelmed managing everything. I made it clear to him that I was working full-time and doing the best I could, and that I needed him to contribute more. I asked him to at least take responsibility for his own basic needs (like packing his lunch and doing his own laundry), while I continued to cook and manage most of the home and childcare.
Despite this, he told me directly that he still expects his wife to do everything for him, and that this is the type of life he wants.
A couple of months later, he told me this lifestyle “wasn’t for him” and then packed his belongings and left.
For the past 3 months, I’ve been living alone, covering all expenses (rent, bills, childcare). He has only contributed financially once, and it was less than a quarter of the monthly expenses. Aside from that, I’ve handled everything on my own.
During this same time, he has only seen his daughter twice. He has been in contact with my family, but his involvement has been minimal.
By this point, I had already become mentally and emotionally checked out after a long period of trying and not receiving support. His leaving almost felt like confirmation of what I had been struggling with for a long time.
Now suddenly, he’s asking to sit down again with a sheikh to “work things out” and discuss our rights.
Given everything that’s happened — the lack of support, the absence (both as a husband and father), and his own statements about wanting a one-sided dynamic — I don’t feel interested in reconciling.
Am I wrong for refusing to sit down and try again, or is it reasonable to feel like this is already beyond repair?