Boyfriend went against a big boundary and now I’m not sure what to do.
I’m using a throwaway as he has Reddit, and I also won’t be sharing any ages to be as safe as possible, but we are early 20s. A few months ago , I opened up to him about my insecurities; I’m a bigger girl, but he’s made it clear he doesn’t mind, and I told him that it made me feel sick when he’d watch porn, as it’s never with women that look like me (body wise) and it makes me feel like he isn’t attracted to me.
After telling him this, he was very reassuring in telling me that he loves my body as is, and the last thing he wants is to make me feel bad, so he deleted anything he’d kept and told me he’d only use the photos I’d sent to him.
This was a few months ago, and yesterday, I was at his house and I went onto his email to log into my own so I could get into my instagram, as i was waiting for a message from a friend since my phone was dead (I have an old iPhone charger, he used USB C) and he’s never had a problem with me going through his phone , and he didn’t when I told him what I’d be using it for. When I opened it, it was open on a burner email , and the only email was for a discord server he has with only himself , which he sends the sexual photos of me to so he’s able to delete them from his camera roll “just in case”. I clicked on this, thinking “hm , I wonder what the last one he saved was” and I saw porn. He sent himself a video with possibly the most unrealistically proportional video known to man, and my heart immediately sank. The woman in the video was thin, and looked not an ounce like me. I felt like I was going to throw up.
He eventually came back up to his room, and I confronted him. I asked him why on earth he’d save something after I asked him to respect my boundary , saying “I can’t do anything about it if you want to watch this, but at least tell me. You’re purposely hiding this from me because you know how I’ll feel.” He then started denying hiding it on purpose, saying he “didn’t think it was a big deal, since that boundary was set so long ago” which is bull, in my opinion.
By this point , I’m heavily considering just leaving and going home. But I then also remembered he recently, after saving that video, has gotten mad at me about my reposts on TikTok. Now, in no way are the sexual , or explicit, they’re just edits of characters I enjoy, and I’m not saying anything in those reposts like “wow, what i wouldn’t give to freak it w them” so I brought it up , and said something along the lines of “ i’m gonna ask you a question, in your opinion, is watching porn after your partner very clearly states she’s uncomfortable with it worse than reposting edits or would you say it the other way around?” To which he responds “I think I know the answer already.” Agreeing with me.
After that, I grabbed my stuff and drove home. I then called my best friend to pick me up as I needed to talk to someone about it, and she told me to break up with him, as this isn’t the first time he’s blatantly went against a boundary of mine.
I’ve barely spoken to him at all today, as I said I needed space to think about things, but I missed him a lot, and I really don’t think I’ll be able to deal with not having him with me.
I’m really just looking for people to either knock some sense into me, or tell me that it’s able to be worked on.