When I was growing up, I was around all my aunties and grandparents, so we always went to Nan’s for Mother’s Day/Father’s Day (any day we could celebrate really lol).
We now live away from family, so I am stumped at what we should do, but I want to do something nice. Maybe a day trip somewhere or a lunch, but with an 18 month old toddler, lunches in a restaurant can be quite an adventure lol.
What are you all doing?
My husband (32) and I (32) have been together for 12 years. We’ve been through a lot together. I was diagnosed with a chronic illness, and his mum died from cancer a week before our wedding four years ago.
Five years ago, my sibling was diagnosed with schizophrenia and, while in psychosis, killed someone. I was pregnant at the time. It was obviously a hugely traumatic period for me and my family.
Since then, we’ve had a baby. I’ve started to suspect I might have ADHD, and he’s mentioned he might have alcohol issues. We’ve talked about these things and it never felt like a major problem until recently.
The last few months he’s become very absent. He’s either working or avoiding home life. I’m the main breadwinner (about 3x his income) and do about 90% of the parenting, including all daycare drop-offs and pick-ups because he works overtime and is rarely home. I feel like a single parent a lot of the time and it’s making me question our future.
I’m very social and extroverted. He used to be too, but now says this is just who he is. During my sibling’s recent trial (a couple of weeks ago), he was basically non-existent, and when I brought it up he said again that this is just how he is now.
I’ve started feeling really resentful and, to cope with the stress and loneliness, I’ve been drinking more. He doesn’t really engage with the bigger relationship issues, but he focuses on that and will tell me not to drink, saying he’s “just caring.”
For context, I did binge drink in the lead-up to the trial, but I’ve always been responsible, never drank multiple days in a row, and I’m very conscious of being a good parent. My daughter is everything to me.
He’s my best friend, but since our baby was born there’s been a shift. He hasn’t taken me on a date since, and didn’t get me a birthday present this year. He says he loves me, but I feel like I’m not getting what I need anymore.
Has anyone been through something like this, where grief, trauma, and a baby completely change a previously solid relationship? I don’t know if this is something we can repair or if I’m missing something obvious.
Tl;dr marriage is failing after grief and trauma. Husband says his AUD and doesn’t feel emotions, but he used too prior to a baby.