u/AffectionateAd7864

I don't want to seem lazy to adcoms, but I'm also really struggling to find something meaningful to do this summer.

I was rejected from all of my REUs. The phlebotomy course I was planning on taking isn't eligible for transfer from my home state to the one I live in during the academic year (when I'd be working). And, I can't find other programs or jobs which would fit in the few months of summer (MA programs seem to be at least two semesters and might not transfer; I already have my EMT-B but jobs take forever to get back to me so I doubt I could find one in the summer now; CNA might be possible but definitely won't transfer; etc.).

I'm lost, what should I do?

Like the title says, I recently began to take detransitioning more seriously and actually pursued it after a while of questioning, but most of that started happening only after I'd stopped taking my antidepressants. I have been put on and off of different meds for years, throughout my entire transition, but a weird clarity returned after I got off them. It felt like I woke up after years of not being me, only to find that I was in a body I didn't recognize having done things I probably wouldn't have done before. My therapist really wants me to get back on meds, but I'm hesitant because of how unstable, numb, and bad decision-prone they made me feel. I've been doing well aside from the occasional depressive episode, and have found that being a man again has made life a lot less difficult which makes me inclined to think the transition was causing most of my issues.

I'm curious to see if anyone else experienced similar or if it was just a weird coincidence for me.