I’ve been actively working on my mixed anxious/avoidant attachment style for about a year now. I’m in counseling, I’ve gone through multiple attachment-focused workbooks, and I try to stay consistent with mindfulness and meditation. I also use the Ahead app daily to build emotional awareness.
On a behavioral level, I’ve made noticeable progress. I don’t chase anymore when someone pulls away. I’m able to respond in ways that align with the kind of person I want to be; calm, respectful, and self-contained.
But internally, it still feels… intense.
When I sense distance or withdrawal from someone I care about, I get strong somatic reactions, especially chest pain. The physical anxiety feels disproportionate to what’s actually happening. It’s like my body hasn’t caught up to the progress my mind has made.
I’m curious if others have experienced this disconnect where your behavior changes, but your nervous system still reacts as if you’re in the old pattern.
If you’ve gone through something similar and found relief from the physical symptoms, what helped you get there?
I’m less interested in quick fixes and more in understanding what actually leads to deeper, embodied change. I do not wish to continue this cycle.