I’ve been in therapy for 2.5 years with the same therapist, and lately I’ve noticed a pattern that I don’t fully understand.
Right from the beginning of sessions, I start to feel really shut down and like I’m younger than I actually am. Like I feel really shy and awkward like I did when I was a kid. My voice gets quieter, and I have a really hard time thinking or forming thoughts. I end up saying “I don’t know” a lot, not because I’m avoiding, but because my mind genuinely feels blank.
It tends to get worse as the session goes on, especially if I start overthinking or putting pressure on myself to say the right thing or snap out of it. And it only happens with this therapist (I see her colleague for EMDR and don’t feel the same shut-down).
What’s confusing to me is that I know my therapist is safe and I’ve worked with her for a long time, so I don’t really understand why this is still happening or why it seems to be getting stronger lately. I want to be open with her and be myself with her and I don’t know where this is coming from.
I’m curious if anyone else has experienced something similar, especially:
- going blank or not being able to think in session
- feeling younger or more child-like with a therapist
- shutting down right from the start of sessions
And if so, what actually helped you work through it or bring it up in therapy?