TIFU by accidentally fucking up the only friendships I had on my course during a deep conversation because I answered too honestly
I (M20) is at uni in my second year of the course. It's quite a small course and at the start of first year I didn't really find any friends on my course because in a nutshell the guys that I thought I was friends started ghosting me. So I've just ended up being on my own. Like I knew people and talked to some but it didn't go beyond some small talk on the way back from lectures. This year, however, things have changed a little. Two girls - E and G (both 20), kind of became my friends. We started talking every so often outside of university and stuff. So today, after an event, E and G started discussing some quite deep topics, a lot about how society makes us be who we are and stuff and quite a bit about how relationships are built. Basically a lot about philosophy of life and society. Topics included masculinity, why women are forced to wear bras, why female tits are consider sexual and male not. And I enjoy such conversations because they are deep and I enjoy debating stuff.
At some point I asked them (both of them are queer) whether they would think that them sleeping with another woman whilst they have a boyfriend is cheating. The answer was yes, but they asked me the same question reversed for me (I am straight) and I said that I possibly wouldn't mind my girlfriend sleeping with another girl, if there were no feeling involved. They asked me whether I would consider cheating if it was all the same conditions but with a guy and I said yes. They made my argument about how I basically do not consider lesbian sex and lesbian relationships to be legitimate and stuff. I tried to differ by saying that I never thought about legitimacy and do not consider legitimacy to be relevant because each person's romantic feelings are very subjective and should not be questioned in my believe, but they persisted with their arguments that I basically do not consider lesbian relationships to be equal to straight relationships and I delegitimise them. They seemed to be quite offended about it and they left abruptly without saying goodbye. Without saying pretty much anything. E just said that she needs to go and G followed her, saying something along the lines of "I will be a lot more mindful around you now" (although I do not remember the exact quote). Yup. That's kind of it. Fuck up by talking and opening up too much.
I thought of them as being fairly open and non-judgemental, someone that I could talk and express different opinions and not be judged but apparently I was wrong. It's the same thing every time. I just talk too much and open up to people too much. I am kind of angry, frustrated and sad about this because those were the only friends I had on the course. I have friends outside of the course but you also want someone that you know on the course, so that you may ask things relevant to the course. I am not sure what consequences apart from losing them as friends is going to have.
TL;DR: Told my queer friends that I wouldn't consider my girlfriend sleeping with another girl to be cheating and they were quite judgemental and claimed that this is delegitimising lesbian relationships and abruptly left without saying goodbye.
EDT: I should’ve made that clearer but E and G are not in a relationship with each other and G has a boyfriend.
EDT2: I told them that their opinion is not wrong and they may even have a point in saying that I don’t view a hypothetical girlfriend sleeping with a guy and with a girl as the same thing even when all the other conditions are identical which is kind of biased. Yet everyone has biases and I said that feelings are feelings and love is love and no third person should judge someone else for their feelings unless it’s illegal (and even then it can be questionable).
EDT3: something I feel I should also clarify is that I have never had a serious relationship and this presumption about cheating has never been means tested. And I said it to them that this may not even be the reality this is just how it is in my head.
UPDATE: Thank you very much to everyone who wrote a comment. Including those who supported me and those who didn't. Everyone's contribution is appreciated and welcome. I am going to drive to a friend of mine to talk about the same thing now. In the meantime I also expect to calm down a bit more and have another think over this situation. I however, think that I will message them in the group chat (where it's just the three of us) saying that I apologise for the situation and that I understand their view and that I think they've a better point than I do. I am not sure whether I will say that it does not necessarily change my opinion. Finally, I will ask them whether they would like to keep going with the event (because I am organising it with them) and what they would like to do with it. Thank you all very much once again, I'll write another update once/after I do something.