My boyfriend (23M) and I (22F), have been together for 5 years. 6 months ago we made a drastic move from our hometown, now renting our own place with 2 kitties in the most beautiful state. Everything should feel pretty well off. Problem is, we will go through two handles of Tito’s every week.
I didn’t realize his drinking habits when we first started dating, or what it was starting to do to me. We were kids, and that’s what we did. I was fortunate enough to go on many trips with him and his family, spending multiple nights with him. Every night he found a way to get vodka. I would snowboard the next day off 3hours of sleep and an awful hangover, then repeat the next day.
Eventually I ended up staying the weekends at his house, and sometimes during the week. It would be a weekend long bender, right there in his family home. We were able to handle ~10 shots, black out being a norm. But being that drunk that often comes with prices to pay. Strange and questionably non-consensual sexual behaviors, fighting, hurting each other, crying, driving. Wake up the next day completely mortified by what happened, looking to him to see any trace of what I was feeling in him. It felt like there was nothing there.
I was starting to feel isolated and alone, carrying the burden of this secret we shared. No one knew. I couldn’t confide in anyone I loved.
This is when I found out that he stashes his own bottles in his room. Sipping every night to fall asleep as he would claim. I also found out that he would drink before I saw him. He was diagnosed with ADHD and I knew that addiction was something that was more prevalent for people like him, thinking it was something he could move past in the future.
Before the move I addressed it, and his response was that “we’d grow out of it, no way we would want to drink every night while we are working”. “WE WILL BE FINE”.
Not fine. There are more nights of drinking than there are of sober nights. I woke up in a random room of our condominium to a girl handing me a glass of water, it was her and her boyfriend’s apartment. I stumbled out of there, to my own room, and cried. I was felt so defeated and ashamed, finding out my boyfriend searched for me everywhere but in his own drunkenness unable to find me, or call for help. He’d taken our cat to the rooftop wrapped in a blanket he said… the cat being safe but why do put our kitty in danger when I am missing? I was fortunate to be okay, but the thought plagues me. I could’ve been in trouble but I was so blackout that I wouldn’t have even noticed. The night after, he went out with some friends. I spent the day nursing my hangover, and dealing with the anxiety and awful feelings from the night before. It was 11pm and I really needed someone to talk to at that point, I texted and told him I need him. He happily came in with a new bottle and a pack of seltzers.
I wondered why he thought it would be a good idea to get drunk again, after seeing how distraught and hurt I was. I pleaded and begged for this to stop. Imagine how shocked I was to find that the person in front of me defending alcohol, was the person I fell in love with.
I want so much more for myself but it feels impossible to start over. What about the cats? My job? Everything I own is across the ocean from home. Most of all, I don’t want to leave my boyfriend all alone. I’d hate to say goodbye but I can’t keep living like this.