Same Childhood, Different Memories—Why Do I Still Struggle?
I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder about three years ago, now in my mid-30s, and it helped explain a lifetime of intense emotions and pain. On the surface, I had a “good” childhood—my parents provided for me—but I constantly felt undeserving and ashamed.
My dad was mostly absent during the week and, when home, could be harsh. Both my parents hit me, which left me feeling like a bad child who deserved it. Even now, as a parent, I can’t understand that kind of discipline. Those experiences created deep shame, anger, and self-punishment that started early and still affect me today.
There were positives—my dad supported me during major mistakes and was proud when I eventually earned my doctorate—but he has also consistently invalidated my mental health, dismissing my depression and even accusing me of making up my diagnosis. He often centers conversations on himself and minimizes my struggles.
I also felt overlooked growing up. My sibling excelled in sports and received most of my dad’s attention, while my interests were dismissed. That dynamic still affects how I see myself, even though I’ve built a successful career.
My sibling remembers our childhood very differently and believes I should move on, but I struggle because there’s never been acknowledgment or accountability from my dad—only blame placed on me.
Am I unfairly holding onto the past, or is it reasonable that these experiences still impact me? And why might siblings come away with such different perspectives?