32 M was in a relationship with 29 W for about three years. Things were awesome, friends beforehand for a long time. We moved in with each other (and some family) and it didn't take more than a year for us to breakup. The whole things was pretty traumatic. She has bipolar disorder. She recently won a lawsuit against her old employer. I needed no contact after we broke up, tried to hit me in some pretty disrespectful and low ways. She wouldn't stop calling me and texting me, even despite moving.
I finally came around and reached out about two months later, she was still reaching out to me more than once a week at this point. I explained how things shouldn't have gotten to the point they reached and other stuff. Didn't really want anything out of it, because I was truly ok.
Fast forward a few days later all of a sudden we met, we hooked up, thins were cool. one million I love yous, y'all know the vibes. I told her I'd be interested in talking again, but only if we weren't going to be the same people we became (we realllllly got messed up and became former shells of ourselves). She admitted to having had been physical with someone, I said I didn't care.
Its been a month, things are good. I'm second guessing myself though, big time. Have def been pulling back. What once was sexting, I love you, and good morning; I'm pulling back from and just kinda of watching the energy shift. It hasn't shifted too much tbh. But my brain keeps telling me:
A. You are a dufus for trusting this girl who threatened your livelihood in so many ways and hooked up with some dude I'm sure owns a boat or some shit that I might have to meet at some point in my life if I stay with her (maybe not, but I never really addressed who it was and probably won't unless I stay in this situation. She got some money, she left town, and used me as a means to hang out in life until she got her shit together and left me.
B. We both weren't ourselves in that period of time, I can't blame anyone for how they acted. I need to look outside myself and hope that we are all doing that.
Idk, is it worth it? Its good when its good, but idk. Def was about to marry that girl, but gotta be honest she def kinda gives me the ick now in some ways. To the point where idk why I was even dated her. She's a nice girl, but idk if I'm captain save em' all. Just looking for advice. I know at the end of the day I'm okay regardless, I do love her. Just maybe not sure if I should or can love her like I used to