u/AdventurousFeed7825

(London, Uk) Curious as to what everyone is getting paid

Since discovering my CPTSD I made a list of all the things that now just make sense, can anyone else relate??

feel free to add yours too guys

• always assuming people are mad at or upset with me

• over reading people’s facial expressions and assuming negative intent when often it could just be neutral

• tiptoes around apartment and always assumes I’m in my flatmates way

• FBI level detection of someone’s change in tone of voice anndddddd time to ruminate as to what I did wrong, did I leave an item in the sink? Did I mess up an email, do they just hate me?

• crying over the smallest disagreement

• terribly poor impulse control, disassociating whilst shopping then having to live off like £20 for a week till payday due to my impulsiveness

• stress eating / stress drinking

• Zoning out in meetings when feeling small, dismissed or misunderstood or cornered

• feeling horrendous about being left on read

• can sleep forever and Body feels like it shuts down but my brain is running at a million miles a minute

• the belief that no one truly can be trusted

• the belief that no where is truly safe

• homesickness for a feeling of safety

• age regression around maternal parental people

• rescue fantasies - wanting to be saved, seen, held but also fearing it and sabotaging it by pushing people away

• not being able to bond or click with seemingly “normal” people who come from loving homes but feeling seen around people who are equally traumatised- we have an energy about us, a depth, a fragility but also a tenderness

• dyes hair impulsively to escape constant emptiness

• chronic boredom

• not being able to set boundaries easily

• not being able to handle an argument without either suddenly cutting someone off or shutting down entirely

• memory loss!!!!! Forgetting sooo many things

• extreme sensitivity to the vibe when walking into a room / office and having razor sharp skills in where the vibe is off, something is not being said, it’s toxic

• finding animals are a safer attachment object than humans

• deep drive to care for something be that an animal or plants, caretaking instincts hella strong

• dark sense of humour

•being literally allergic to domineering characters and fawning

•over apologising

• paranoia

• assuming someone is angry even by how they closed the fridge or took the bin out

After already having developed the nervous system of a frightened animal, always needing to sit with my back near a wall and feeling nausea around authority figures in the work place and a few horrendous bosses. I find the performative fake and ruthless nature of mostly all office environments insufferable..

I have come to the conclusion I am too fragile, chronically unsettled and just too different for corporate but unfortunately that it where the better paid jobs are…. What do you guys do for work ? Has anyone found a way to do well or thrive?

In conviced corporate jobs are triggering for us as they mimics a dysfunctional family!!

And it’s as if people can smell our vulnerabilities out an we become targets!

I’ve worked as an EA across multiple industries over 7 years experience but….. I need out. I’m terrible at excel and don’t like operations. what could be some good pivots that are actually achievable? I’m in London and culturally I feel recruiters just see you as support admin and it’s infuriating.