u/AdventurousBoard5474

Yesterday I was to the movies with some
of my friends and some acquaintances. I was sitting outside the Cinema and even tho I saw for a fraction that my friend wanted to ask/say something to my other friend I just asked: “How was yesterday?” She was on a trip. But I quickly apologised and said she can continue asking. But then she had a blank expression on her face and looked at my friend and continued with what she wanted to ask. In that moment I felt rejected and hurt so much because even an: “it’s ok” would have helped. I started to think I’m always like this. Annoying people.
I wish it stopped there but my friend sat at the other end of the row beside my ex and beside him my crush. (it’s complicated) I was sitting between two acquaintances. I just felt like I wanna leave. I didn’t know what I was doing there anymore.
We went to the Michael Jackson movie. It was ok until his father got out the belt and started…. Because my father was abusive I couldn’t take it anymore and I just left for the bathroom in tears. My friend didn’t care too much. She didn’t text me. But other two friends reached out by text message.
I returned my seat eventually and the movie was ok afterwards but my mood was spoiled. After we went out from the cineva I said to the whole grup a vague “Bye, I’m going home.” And left. After 2 minutes I see a picture with the group, my friend beside my crush and all. No one said: “Hey, we do a group picture. Don’t leave so soon.”
She honestly is beautiful and I hate that sometimes it makes me feel less. I hate that sometimes I am jealous.
All in all I feel like trauma and the RSD I have because I have also adhd makes my life miserable. I don’t wanna be perceived as an attention seeker to my group of friends. I am just so broken sometimes .