u/Adventurous-Risk-465

I feel like I’m constantly carrying so much on my shoulder. I’m juggling my relationship with a partner who I love so much, but we admittedly carry our own traumas that make it difficult to be there properly for each other when there’s large stressors placed on us. His sister moved in with us, and as much as I love her and it’s a tremendous help, there’s still ways it negatively impacts us. I am working for my best friend doing a job I love, but life throws hurdles at me and now I’m learning to find the line between venting to my best friend and needing help but also recognizing she’s my boss now and there’s certain boundaries that come with it. The cost of everything’s going up, and our car engine is literally dying on us despite being less than 4 years old. There’s just so many little things that feel so pointless to type out. I know my life is better than most. I know that. I know there’s so much more I could be dealing with. But the problem comes from the fact that I don’t feel like I can talk to anyone. I can’t talk to my parents - they don’t really know how to empathize or provide comfort. I can’t talk to my best friend because now it’s putting us in an awkward power dynamic. I can’t talk to my partner because he has just as much stress on his shoulders, and he told me this would be coming with my best friend - despite the fact that all the times I’ve needed to adjust my schedule have been to help him or our family. I can’t afford therapy. I can’t afford my bills. I suffer from bipolar 2 and I’ve been off my meds for 8 months now, and I can feel myself slipping through my fingers. I don’t want to die but I just want this to stop. I know this has been a word salad, and probably doesn’t even make sense, but I just needed to tell someone, anyone who would listen.