my (f27) boyfriend (m27) get into these arguments where it just keeps escalating. this particular time we got into it because he is going through something with one of his friends, and while venting to me about the situation, starts to come after me and go off on me after i tell him to please not share what i said about this friend to his friend because i do not want to be involved. he then starts accusing me of not supporting him and how i always support “the other man” instead of him. this is a pattern that keeps coming up and i got very upset and wanted space, which always makes him very upset.
we took the night to ourselves, even though he does proceed to call me multiple times throughout the evening, and nine times between 2-3 am to make sure i was at my apartment in bed. he has my location, but sometimes its not always accurate and he thinks im somewhere i am not. he gets very paranoid when we argue and when i ask for space. i have never cheated on him so he doesn’t really have a reason to think this but still accuses me of being un-loyal from time to time.
these texts just sums up what happens when we fight. i try to put up boundaries, but I always get shut down because of how “close” we are. i swear he is emotionally abusive but he claims he’s not because that’s not his intention to guilt trip me and manipulate me. i retaliate by becoming physical with him because he does not stop pushing me into a corner, claiming and accusing that everything i say is “wrong” and how i go about everything the “wrong way” according to him.
the part in our messages when it turns into all caps is because he saw i left my apartment.
i want to leave this relationship because it does not feel healthy at all. we get along so well when we are not fighting and are best friends, but that’s makes him think he has total access to me no matter how he acts. im sick of it. i guess im just looking for validation that how he is acting is not ok. he thinks how he acts is ok. it baffles me.
EDIT: how do i leave a relationship like this safely? he doesnt have a key. i have a roommate and do not want to get her involved. he obviously knows where i live and knows where i work. i have stuff up at his house too. if i block him he will just show up.
EDIT: i did not expect this to blow up so quickly. i know we are both wrong in these instances. i know its never ok to be physical w someone but he pushes me to my limits. he is relentless when i try to stand up for myself and my boundaries. he does not try to understand. he claims everything is my fault when we get into it like this because i dont ask for space in the “correct” way. i dont need reddit to tell me to leave this relationship. i want to leave. i just dont know how to do it.