u/AdventuRedd

Hello everyone. I've built out my plot enough that it's time to start redoing everything, so I wanted to ask for your opinions and advice.

"The sun was setting over Thurlin Forest as Kaendor’s chestnut brown horse crested the last rolling hill before the wide dirt path meandered down to the bustling ducal city of Albarnus.  The gauzy layer of clouds filtered the dwindling sunlight into a pastel shine off of Kaendor’s breastplate, cinched over the maroon robes of his faith.  He was a paladin of Trallya; a warrior blessed by the goddess of love, beauty and sensuality.  As such, Trallyite robes had plunging necklines and tended to be form-fitting, with variable patterns of cords and belts around the chest, waist and hips that accentuated each parishioner’s proudest physical features.  He normally wore his robes open, his yellow chest scales exposed, his green skin contrasting against the reddish fabric.

Now his flowing robes were constrained by armor, but the ensemble announced his faith and good intentions, which he needed while he traveled alone.  He was a sur’cha, a humanoid snake person, the result of ancient experiments by the titans of the world.  While sur’cha came from all locations and walks of life, those hailing from the home-city of Sur’takareth were famously known to be selfish and cruel, and operated under orders from the warlike god-king Yewnnagon.  That was Kaendor’s father, and his place of birth, but the paladin considered Albarnus to be his home, specifically its temple to Trallya.  It was the largest such temple on the Cliffbreak Coast, and it was Trallya’s clergy who took him in and raised him in his teenage years.  He was supposed to be a spy for Yewnnagon, now he fought to spread love and defend the innocent.

Heatfree torches began to light along the stone battlements surrounding the city, and the constant, dim, indigo glow of antimagic became perceptible around the frame of Albarnus’s great wooden gate.  The torchlight left a growing swirl in Kaendor’s nightvision, and he realized he’d been staring at the lights, lost in thought.  He shook his memories and his vision clear, and headed down to the city.  He’d been called home by High Speaker Alyssa, head of the city’s temple and administrator to all other Trallyite temples in the region.  She held a personal connection to Trallya, and she could share it with others.  It was her proud duty to embody Trallya’s love and will within the mortal world, and it was Kaendor’s proud duty to bring that love to the world at large."

I've built out the plot enough that I need to rebuild from the start, so I figured it was a good time to get opinions and advice.

"The sun was setting over Thurlin Forest as Kaendor’s chestnut brown horse crested the last rolling hill before the wide dirt path meandered down to the bustling ducal city of Albarnus.  The gauzy layer of clouds filtered the dwindling sunlight into a pastel shine off of Kaendor’s breastplate, cinched over the maroon robes of his faith.  He was a paladin of Trallya; a warrior blessed by the goddess of love, beauty and sensuality.  As such, Trallyite robes had plunging necklines and tended to be form-fitting, with variable patterns of cords and belts around the chest, waist and hips that accentuated each parishioner’s proudest physical features.  He normally wore his robes open, his yellow chest scales exposed, his green skin contrasting against the reddish fabric.

Now his flowing robes were constrained by armor, but the ensemble announced his faith and good intentions, which he needed while he traveled alone.  He was a sur’cha, a humanoid snake person, the result of ancient experiments by the titans of the world.  While sur’cha came from all locations and walks of life, those hailing from the home-city of Sur’takareth were famously known to be selfish and cruel, and operated under orders from the warlike god-king Yewnnagon.  That was Kaendor’s father, and his place of birth, but the paladin considered Albarnus to be his home, specifically its temple to Trallya.  It was the largest such temple on the Cliffbreak Coast, and it was Trallya’s clergy who took him in and raised him in his teenage years.  He was supposed to be a spy for Yewnnagon, now he fought to spread love and defend the innocent.

Heatfree torches began to light along the stone battlements surrounding the city, and the constant, dim, indigo glow of antimagic became perceptible around the frame of Albarnus’s great wooden gate.  The torchlight left a growing swirl in Kaendor’s nightvision, and he realized he’d been staring at the lights, lost in thought.  He shook his memories and his vision clear, and headed down to the city.  He’d been called home by High Speaker Alyssa, head of the city’s temple and administrator to all other Trallyite temples in the region.  She held a personal connection to Trallya, and she could share it with others.  It was her proud duty to embody Trallya’s love and will within the mortal world, and it was Kaendor’s proud duty to bring that love to the world at large."

Hi again! As a side project, I wanted to start posting to webnovel and feel the site out. So, I'm writing a story that is very much like JJBA but on a Martian colony. The MC is looking into why colonists are disappearing, and very early on he dies and comes back with a Stand power-- a manifestation of his soul that he can fight with. Obviously I can't use "Stands" but I want to convey that this is the kind of trope people will be fighting with.

Is a title like "My Geist and I Fight For Humanity on Mars" a good starting point? Between the words and the cover, do you think that makes it clear there is a ghostly manifestation power used during fights? (I could workshop the term Geists too, of course)

Hi everyone. I'm working on a high fantasy novel and ran into a bit of a conundrum early on. Our hero is hunting a vampire, but it starts with him working security on a caravan going to the city where the vampire's at. I have stuff planned that I want to happen over the three days of travel, but I also worry about things "just happening" because I wrote it that way.

I plan for the caravan to get attacked. There will be a budding romance, and I will reveal that the head soldier is a werewolf. But I'm kind of stressing about making it all meaningful-- having these events tie in to later chapters, or an evil conspiracy, or something. I keep thinking "Why would I write this if it isn't significant to the overall plot?" and it's kind of got me stuck in my head. Just wondering if anyone else has dealt with that, and if there's any advice from the experts.