(Throwaway account for anonymity) My husband (45M) and I (47F) have been practicing polyamory for almost 5 years, together for over 20. I’m happy with our decision, it’s added joy to our life, new people, new experiences, overall a positive thing. And yet, I am recently accepting that our partnership isn’t what I want longterm especially as it relates to polyamory. Maybe I would have reached that conclusion regardless of opening up, but it’s becoming more clear and making me feel sad. Particularly, when over the weekend I got to spend time with some polyam friends, one couple in particular that have the kind of open rapport with other partners/play partners I know is not possible with my current partner.
When we opened up our longterm monogamous relationship, we didn’t know the kind of polyam partners we would be for each other until we were in those situations, and now I know I’d not pick a new long term partner who has the same hang ups as my current partner.
Right now, our kids still need a lot from us and we are awesome coparents. And I’m not *unhappy* in my current partnership, I am accepting that what I would like in a polyam relationship will never be what would make my current partner happy and comfortable. (We have done years of ENM affirming couples therapy and I just think we are a mismatch in our ENM preferences.)
I am in therapy and talk often about this, it’s just a bittersweet thing that I am living with right now. Does this feel familiar to anyone and if you ended a similar relationship, how did you know it was no longer tenable?