I've always kind of categorized myself as bi/queer, but I really have a hard time having long lasting relationships with men. I can kinda get into them if they're attractive and we can connect emotionally but then it's like one single wrong move and suddenly they completely disgust me. Most of my male partners I had a very hard time showing affection, which is the total opposite from my personality.
Most of my friendships are female and I'm extremely affectionate, lots of hugs, cheek kisses, cuddling while watching tv, casual touches in public, etc. I don't have male friends because I have a hard time connecting with them emotionally.
I like the idea of men, like reading fanfics with self insert it's totally okay if it's a man as long as it's fictional, but when a man dms me or shows interest in me I'm kinda grossed out at the idea.
I live in a place where there aren't a lot of wlw people in my spaces so it's hard to dry and date women, even though I strongly desire to. I've had a crush on the same girl for around 6 months which is out of the norm because whenever I have a crush on a man it fades within a few weeks or so, it's never long term.
The idea of a man is appealing but ACTUALLY being with a man makes me feel icky. But I don't want to label myself as lesbian just to one day end up with a man because I don't like going against my own words..
I'm sexually attracted to the idea of men, like I think abs/biceps/muscles on men or attractive, or on the opposite men I think really feminine men are really attractive.
Is there a sexuality where I'm attracted to feminine things? Like female anatomy but also men that look female? Idk I'm really struggling..
PLEASE HELP 😭🙏