My partner (29M) has asked me (28F) to be more mindful when talking to him, is this fair??
EDIT: this was the wake up call I very much needed, thank you everyone! My ADHD and anxiety truly makes me spiral and I just couldn't get out of this one. Y'all snapped me out of it and I'm seeing my therapist tomorrow to talk about this. Thank you again!!
tldr: I have ADHD and talk ALOT. This overwhelms my boyfriend and he has asked me to be more mindful in our conversations. Is this unfair/incompatibility?
I have ADHD and am very sensitive, especially to any indication of rejection. I’m trying to figure out if I'm being too sensitive or if it’s actually unfair/him not fully understanding me.
Due to my ADHD, I am a chatter box and when I’m excited or upset I have a tendency to go on and on. When I’m speaking I can be a bit disorganized, such as saying one thing happened at work then remembering it triggered this other thing that I now have to explain.
My boyfriend has told me that sometimes it feels like there’s no space for him in the conversation and I’m just using him as a sound board (only in convos where I'm dysregulated either overly excited or anxious). He says this way of communication makes him overwhelmed and feel like I’m not considering him at all. He’s asked me to try to be more mindful when talking with him. He’s reassured me that he wants to support me when I’ve had a hard day or hear about the things I’m excited about but he doesn’t need extraneous details or for me to belabour the point for 5 minutes straight.
I feel hurt when he’s said this. Plus sometimes I think his tone can come off a bit harsh because he's quite matter of fact. It triggers a part of me that feels like I’m “too much” and that I can’t be accepted for who I am. I feel like I have to modulate who I am/how I speak and can’t be authentically me. I’ve explained this and he reassures me that he doesn’t think I’m too much, he loves my energy and he wants me to be authentic but just with a bit more thoughtfulness.
I know that voice recording everything I want to verbally dump helps me organize my thoughts before voicing them to someone else. He was suggesting doing this before unloading on him but again I felt rejected and like I have to deal with it on my own (which he reassured me isn’t the case, it’s just to let some of the energy out so I can be more present when discussing it with him)
Now that I’m typing this out it really does seem like my own sensitivity but I’m curious about what others think. If it is sensitivity how can I manage it??