u/Adsweet

This is a unique problem that I have literally never heard anybody else have. I (f31) am 37wks pregnant and want to take the plunge with my husband (36m) to buy a house. We are currently living in a house that his parents own. They own a lot of properties around the town we live in. that being said, they consider themselves expert landlords and are wealthy penny pinchers to the max, and they also live in a cluttered environment so they think the environment that we live in is perfectly suitable for a child. It’s NOT.

1. we have A garage, but not really because his dad uses it at storage for all the stuff he puts in his rental properties. Every single day he has his workers come and get stuff from the garage and it makes me extremely uncomfortable as a pregnant woman. I feel like I can’t even talk at normal volume in this house.

2. the house has a roach problem that we have needed to spray for several times, the outside of the house has a pest problem we’ve seen rats around the property outside

3. we have very annoying neighbors that play loud music/ throw parties that we can hear from 50 yards away from our bedroom almost every weekend( sometimes weekdays) and all the cars that clutter around the road from these parties they throw sometimes extend into our property,

4. the house is full of his grandmother‘s clutter and old furniture that his parents don’t want us to throw away, (again, hoarders) they tell us we can throw it away and then lose their shit when we actually try. the tiles on the floors are very old and to be replaced, the entire house is just not my style not to mention it’s a three bedroom two bath and he wants three kids.

5. My in-laws live literally across the street from us and they’ve been respectful and not barging over here but I’m afraid that’s gonna change with a newborn baby. He also has a Sister 25f that, although sweet, Wants to hang out constantly every week (she lives with his parents). I like my privacy I like my alone time and I don’t wanna hang out all the time.

The housing market in our area isn’t bad in fact it’s pretty good. We have a range of houses to choose from that are 300k to 350 K for the three bedroom or four bedrooms houses.
we both have good careers in healthcare. together, we would make about almost 200 K a year. Right now I’m not working because I’m heavily pregnant but I plan to get right back into the work field as soon as I can, while he wants me to focus on raising the child for as long as possible ( he can handle the bills for a year if he wanted)

His parents are completely against the idea of us moving to a new house not just because they think it’s a waste of money but because they think I’m manipulating their son into spending his money to buy an ‘’expensive” house that we’re not gonna make any return on, refusing to even address me in the situation. It’s all about him him and him. Supposedly I was the favorite daughter-in-law until I wanted this. His other brothers (save one) all live out of the city and one of his sisters lives out of state yet they have a problem with two 30 something year-old’s wanting to get a house for themselves?

It’s As if I’m not his wife and carrying his child and I don’t have a say where I’d like to live with my husband. We’ve been living off of his parent’s teet for almost a decade now rent free im greatdyl but i want independence. I’m debt free i paid all of it off during the pandemic. He’s got alot of savings and great credit. I haven’t opened a line of credit since I paid off all of my student loans but it used to be 700+. I could do it, but he says I shouldn’t.

My in-laws solution? Rent a house until the housing market goes down even more. like what?! The economy is just gonna get worse and they don’t have a crystal ball. They are boomers stuck in the 1970s. They can’t tell me whether or not the housing market is gonna go down and I don’t wanna put my life on glue just to please them. In fact I was going to buy property close to them to try and make them happy ( 2 min away) but they freaked out about that and now I’m actively trying to find a property that’s farther away from them because I feel like a little bit of distance will help with the enmeshment my husband has with his family. But my husband, because of his parents, thinks that I’m being too rash and he flip-flops all the time on whether or not we should get a house. he’s literally suggested, renting out and building a house even though that would literally cost us more and I don’t understand his thought process

Honestly, I’m upset with my husband because I feel like he tells me what I want to hear but as soon as he talks to his parents, he changes his mind. He’s flip-flopped on me about eight times now and all the work I put into touring properties, put into making floor plans, put into finding contractors has been flushed down the drain again and again and again . We argue one night, he tells me what I want to hear, and the next day he pretends like we never even had a freaking conversation. This pregnancy, which is my first, has really been stressful because of this.

Im resentful of the entire situation and I planned on leaving at the end of the week to my mothers house (who’s also very disappointed in my husband and pissed at my in-laws because why the fuck are they deciding what we do with our lives) if something isn’t decided and he doesn’t show me actions. This isn’t about the house. This is about the flip flopping, the fact that he’s not willing to take the plunge with me and he’s willing to sacrifice our happiness and the safety of our daughter to make his parents happy and save more money. It’s also about the disrespect and my dignity. Husband thinks I’m being extremely emotional, but I’m tired of him, shutting down on me.

What’s the point of saving all this money if it’ll cost you, your family? What should I do? I’m about to have a child. I don’t wanna be single mom, and I really do love my husband, and I know he loves me and I don’t wanna blow up my marriage over the house, but I’m tired of having people tell me how I need to live my life.