I wasn’t sure how to word the title but, I’m currently 6 weeks pregnant. Yesterday, I had to go to the hospital to get a few IV drips due to extreme sickness.
While I was there I had a scan to see if I was having twins or not. It’s just one baby. The doctor said I was allowed to take pictures with my phone, and before I even had chance to get my phone, my mum was already holding hers above my head taking pictures.
When I got home, I sent my pictures to my boyfriend and a few close family/friends, only around 6 people have seen it (me, my mum, my boyfriend and 3 friends).
Today, she asked me if I’ve shown everyone and I said no because I’d like a few weeks where only my closest people know what’s going on. She then said she wants to show everyone. I was immediately taken aback. I said that it depends who she wants to show and her response was “no it doesn’t”. Excuse me? I think I have final say over who gets to see MY child? I said “that’s crazy” and she told me that I was the crazy one and no one acts like that.
I understand it’s her grandchild but it’s not her first grandchild (she has 2 from my brother) and even if it was, it’s still my child.
Am I overreacting or is my mum being crazy?
UPDATE: (first 7 paragraphs are mainly a rant, not really necessary, I’m just upset)
After reading a lot of comments, my suspicions have been confirmed. My mum has been like this since before I became pregnant. She has been banned from appointments since I was 13 due to her not allowing me to speak to the doctor myself, now she doesn’t even know what my appointments are for or where.
When finding out I wanted to move in with my dad (which has been my plan since 13, and she knew that) when he has his own place, she left me and my brother without us in the house or telling us. She asked my dad to pick me up and ring the police to tell them she’d left her children and wanted to harm herself. My dad would never ring the police but they still turned up at the house, she denies ringing them but the police said they received a call from her. Days later, she was complaining about my dad caring for me and had me back with her the following week. She had even made phone calls behind my back complaining about my dad, so my dad thought I knew I wasn’t going back with him, but she still denies making the calls.
A few doctors and nurses suggested getting tested for ADHD and autism and she instantly shut it down so I was unable to ask her questions about my childhood behaviours. She refused ADHD and autism until she decided she has it. Keep in mind, she’s 40 and it was never mentioned to her, even after my referrals.
While I was around 15/16 I used to cry for her to buy food I eat and like, because she’d buy the same stuff knowing I don’t eat it as I’m quite a picky eater so I was on noodles for months. When I got with my now-ex he would buy me takeaways, which the huge switch triggered a long-lasting stomach problem where I’d be sick if I ate too much or not enough.
My dad is a POS when he’s deep in addiction, same with my auntie (his sister), but they’re still my family (my auntie was my best friend) and I’m old enough to create my own opinion (I’m currently not on speaking terms with my dad). My auntie had a heart attack 2 years ago and it still hurts very much. Every time she talks bad about my dad she feels the need to do the same with my auntie, even after I have told her multiple times I don’t feel okay with that.
When I had an attempt at 16, she drank herself near death days later. Drunk people trigger me very badly so when her boyfriend came to help, I left and went to stay with a friend. She rang me saying she got herself in that state because of my attempt.
When I was 14, she found out I was actively being second assaulted by my boyfriend at the time, and was by her nephew 3 years prior (he was 15/16, I was 11), she shouted at me for being around my boyfriend and not telling her about my cousin. She later invited him to the house and told him to spend time with me while she spoke to her sister (his mum). I went into my brother’s room because he kept trying to be alone with me in every room I went to, even the bathroom. My brother’s friend didn’t know he was my cousin and told me, after he left, that “the guy with the long hair” wouldn’t stop staring at me.
That is very little of the things she has done over my life. And I have noticed a very narcissistic pattern (she seems to call everyone in my life narcissistic… deflection maybe?). I still live with her so I won’t be bringing this up to her as she has a pattern of guilt-tripping me and that’s not a week-long argument I’m prepared for at the moment. But I am going to look for places to move out and keep all information away from her. I don’t feel comfortable with how she’s attempting to mother a child she isn’t growing, or allowing my child to have the same childhood I did. Thank you for all the advice, it has really made me see that this is not okay for her to do. I have always lived with her shadowing every step but shes shadowing my baby’s life without it even being in the world and that is not something I’m willing to accept.
Again, thank you everyone!!