Tired of trying to change/improve, overwhelmed, and confused (warning: lot of yapping)
To put things shortly, I am a college student, have adhd (clinically diagnosed, as an adult, may had it as a child), had mild persistent depression (clinically diagnosed), and trying to recover from porn addiction (been exposed in the age of 7, consulted to a psychiatrist in the age of 20, sober for 2 months, relapsed, sober for 2 months again, 21 now)
So far i came a long way, i have decent sleep, porn addiction symptoms has been minimized, have more awareness, and some action here and there
But, still so many things to improve like productivity, relationships (with gf), anger issues, self esteem, adhd, doom scrolling, hating others, etc.
Everyday I try to make actions to improve these things, watch videos about this, take notes, try to apply, but most of the times fail, so there is guilt and shame, at the same time everyday feels like battle where there is so much to do and to avoid, to change, to the point where its exhausting and i end up doing nothing.
end of summary i guess
DETAILS:
I tried therapy/consultation, on the first three sessions it feels great to learn something, to tell a person everything without lying, but after that its just meds, like without any inputs on what should i do or start or what just straight up meds, especially for my adhd, yeah there maybe some inputs but its is so vague like it is comparable to a friend just giving shitty advice to you, unlike when watching dr. k's vids where i can relate, i feel connected, my questions are answered even its not live.
i have been diagnosed with a mild persistent depression, i felt suicidal, difficult to function, worst case was punching myself which happened very rarely. Been on meds for 2 months, suicidal thoughts are gone so my psychiatrist advised me to stop the meds, that was 5 months ago. Today, sometimes i feel i wanna give up, most of the times struggle to function.
I tried meds for adhd, i felt i didn't change anything plus my disappointment in my therapy experience plus the price, so i stopped.
Today i just rely on dr. k vids, no paid stuffs just the free videos (well-supported by family and scholarship but cant just buy or avail something immediately but saving up money for the adhd course from the website, a low middle class in philippines btw)
what do you recommend i do, what to do first, what to fix, or what to unlearn, for how long, when do i add another thing, etc.
i have so much to say before writing this, but i forgot what else to add, this is it i guess for now. (first time posting)