My “How I became a Hellenist” story.
Full disclosure before reading: This story is my own connection between my life and Athena. I’m sharing purely from a vulnerable place as I have no safe space to share my Hellenist journey. If I have offended anyone or seem uneducated, forgive me. Please share more information with me. I’m always open to learn.
I’ve been sitting with this for a while, and I finally feel ready to share it. It didn’t CLICK for me until I saw recent news of Athena statue in Turkey being discovered where her breastplate had Medusa’s head on it.
Last year, I had a cryptic pregnancy. I didn’t know I was carrying my son until the very last minute. Just me, living my life, completely unaware. Heck, I even started a job at a health store where I lifted heavy boxes and walked ten minutes to work every morning and another ten minutes back during my last trimester before giving birth.
By some miracle, I decided to quit my job exactly two weeks before I gave birth because my “body” or something in me told me that I’m not capable to do it. And when I resigned, I made complaints about the manager for being unjust to her subordinates. It was the first time I had such “guts” to help them seek justice before I left. This isn’t my usual personality. I’m usually the “ not my monkey, not my problem” type.
At the same time, my life was a struggle. I was a fresh graduate trying to find a foothold in employment. I spent extra time and effort to secure a job, but little did I know the father of my child was being incredibly dishonest with me. We had been together for 3 years, but he hid the fact his family had arranged for him to be married to someone else. He hid how truly hostile his family were.
But here is the thing that makes me cry when I think about it: If I had known I was pregnant, I would have been so vulnerable. I might have stayed in that toxic situation "for the baby." I might have let his family manipulate me. But because my body kept that secret, I had the strength to see the truth. I learned who he really was, I found the clarity to break up with him, and since my son was here, he and his family had no leverage over me.
To give context why this is a big thing: I come from a Muslim background and am subjected to Syariah law. Having a baby out of wedlock is a big no-no and can come with legal consequences. When it came to the legal part, the Syariah representative nudged me and told me my baby is solely mine and no father is acknowledged by law and social order. At first I thought this was a nightmare. But the law was on my side. Will always be on my side. Because his family were a nightmare and hostile, I was able to register my son in my name and my name alone without him or his family interfering.
During the early months of postpartum,I wanted answers. Modern science didn't provide enough. What would possess me to not realize I was pregnant for nine months straight? I learned that Islam couldn't explain it. So I sought answers from older religions. Turns out cryptic pregnancies are woven in many ancient beliefs. They were not treated like a mistake or sinful.
After reading and researching many old beliefs, the Hellenic pantheon resonated the most. Especially Athena. Given I had the Medusa tattoo that mirrored her own use of the image on her breastplate.
I know many people get Medusa tattoos to symbolize surviving trauma. For me, it came through years later.It’s the ultimate synchronicity that I placed the Goddess’s weapon exactly where she wears it, and my body MAY HAVE responded years later.
IMO, I suspect Athena helped me at my most vulnerable moment. Despite not being a fertility / mother goddess. But she DOES protect the Citizen a.k.a my son in my pregnancy.
I recall the story of Erichthonius, where Athena placed a baby in a hidden container and told the guardians never to look inside. Even if it wasn’t her own child. It was a by product of another god with ill intent. It gave me vibes of my own my pregnancy.This story has made me realise she cares for children. But in her own way.
Here’s some of my own notes when researching Athena that helped me become a Hellenist:
The "Head-Born" Myth: I read how Athena appeared fully formed from Zeus’s head. It reminded me of my son. My pregnancy happened in the mental realm rather than the "belly" realm. I literally found out and gave birth on the same day.
• Athena Pronoia (Forethought): She represents the plan in motion before you know it. She ensured I worked that supervisor job so I had money when he arrived.
• Athena Narkaia (The Petrifier): This might be a stretch, but that "petrifying" quality of the Aegis may have been what "frozen" the physical signs of my pregnancy, concealing it until the danger was gone.
• Mētis (Strategic Wisdom): She didn't send me a "sign." She cleared the lies through my own son. Through him, I realized the hypocrisy of the society around me.
Another disclosure: I used her epithets to understand all facets of Athena because the gods are not one dimensional. Coming from an Islamic background where titles are drilled in the dogma, my approach to Hellenism is similar. It may not be traditional. But it helped me understand Athena better.
In the present day, I pray and praise Lady Athena for her tactical wisdom. I’m grateful she had showed me undeniable proof that my ex wasn’t a good man and broke my trauma bond with him.