So my (M) wife and I are high school sweethearts. We have really only been sexually active with each other and have grown together for the last 15+years. 2 healthy kids, financially stable doing well, i work she stays at home for now.
So being that we have only been with each other, all of our experiences are the same and together. And I would say that we have always been very sexually active. Quickies in the car after dates and sneaking around to do it when we were living at home in school etc. And it got more fun and exciting as time went on.
But now it feels like we have the exact same sex every time. At most there are 3 different records we play... and its boring and honestly makes me not last long and its frustrating. Sure it feels good, but at what point is doing the same position and speed and intensity for 3 minutes for her to cum then a race for me to finish, enough?
Like we used to sext when we were apart and it made for a great experience later when we were together again. It gave me specifically something to look forward to. Not anything exotic lol but juat hearing "reading" it from her made the arousal so much more. And the after product always felt better as well.
Now anytime I bring it up or try to initiate it, it gets pushed off. And ive talked to her about it and she'll apologize and say we can do it. But then it never happens and the cycle continues. Its frustrating and annoying and im trying to keep a level head but its tough. I have anxiety and depression and it definitely sends me in a spiral of thinking im the problem. But if I ask there is no problem.
So im at a loss, and it frustrates me more because I know my wife reads smut about 5 dudes on one female and it just adds to the anxiety. Like how.do I compete with that? Especially.knowing we are each other's only partners?
Im not saying reading that stuff is bad, but in an anxiety and depressed ridden mind it takes the shape that it is and im not able to compete.
Im not Mr Olympia by any means but im in good shape and workout. So i dont think thats the issue either. I dont know. Really it just frustrates me and I have nobody to talk to about it and Im screaming internally because I feel ignored on multiple fronts, not just the sex side.
Tl;dr, it feels like my wife continues to push off anytime I ask to do something and its made our sex life feel predictable and boring.