How do I get over this? It's eating my headspace away
So.. I started having a small crush on a senior in my office last year. Not sure why - maybe because we were working on a project together and he's smart, looked up to by everyone, and a nice guy in general.
1-2 month into this I noticed him looking at me. A lot. Everytime my eyes would land on him in the office, when we were all in the cafeteria together - he was always looking at me and would quickly look away as I looked back. This is maybe where my madness started.. I started having dreams about him everyday, and for the first time ever I felt like I had found the guy I could marry- had high morals, disciplined, intelligent, and kind.
But I was in the process of a really, really messy breakup so I knew it was bad timing. Plus I'm a shy, awkward person who doesn't know how to flirt or look back, plus he was my mentor hence it was anyway kind of wrong.
Some small moments happened between us where I was sure he was lowkey flirting with me (he's also shy and awkward). But then 5-6 months later, obviously he stopped (maybe thought I'm not interested). He became aloof from the team too (this is purely for career reasons I am sure) and eventually switched teams.
Recently I switched my team as well, and now I sit in a different building, I don't see him at all anymore. But this is making me crazy. I can feel it. Everyday I stalk his calendar, wonder if he'll be in the cafeteria, or here, or there. I couldn't believe someone can go this far for a glimpse of someone. This is maddening.
Last week my old team called me for a party, I didn't want to go- but just knowing he'll be there I did. He tried talking to me too, but I was so so nervous. I can see he doesn't even spare me a glance anymore like that, but I am slowly going crazy. He's all that's on my mind. I've started having dreams about him again.
I'd thought seeing him would finally help me get over him, but it made me even more sure that he's all I want, he's the man I want to marry. We were alone in the car for like 3-4 mins when he was dropping us off, and he asked me questions and I did too, and in that moment I felt like confessing to him and making everything weird. I believe he's completely over it but what do I do? Now I'm getting this itch to see him again and just tell him everything.