Pure O OCD and OCD
So pretty much I believe I've had a mix of Pure O OCD and OCD as well since I can remember. When I was a kid I still remember the day that it clicked, I was playing black ops 1 zombies in my living room and I remember my vision started to get dark and my mind began to feel very paranoid. It felt like I started to feel derealization and started questioning my reality. I started to have very paranoid thoughts that I am looking at myself through a television screen and that I am not real. It terrified me and no matter what I did it would just keep replaying in my head non stop. At that point I wasn't fully into OCD and doing rituals but it was just constant thoughts in my mind that hurt me or scared me.
I still remember watching that ghostbusters scene where they were on the roof of the apartment building and the demon pretty much told them the first they think of will become the monster that kills them. It always made me confused about how those guys used to say empty your minds and don't think of anything, because well I've never been able to stop thinking about something and always thought that was normal.
Once I got into the high school times those intrusive thoughts of not being real started to go away but eventually evolved into OCD with rituals. I would wash my hands or sanitize or do something like blinking for example because my mind would tell me if I didn't do it something would happen or I'd become like somebody didn't like at the time and that touching something that they touched without washing or sanitizing would cause that. That lasted until I was around 20
After highschool I pretty much gave up and went into depression and alcoholism. I stayed that way until I was around 23. Thankfully I met a woman who changed my view of the world and was able to get out of that spiral of drugs and depression. Since then I've been taking care of myself and eating healthy, which worked for a bit but sadly the pure O OCD came back full force. I don't do rituals most of the time but I do have very paranoid thoughts that sometimes I do rituals since my mind tells me if I do those it won't happen but for the most part it's intrusive thoughts. The worst part is the brain fog and being unable to relax or concentrate. I'm pretty much constantly unable to relax and consistently have a headache because of overthinking. It's affecting my job performance and my relationship with the girl I told you about. Nothing makes me happy and I have no drive which is most likely depression caused by the intrusive thoughts.
I've thought about going back to a psychiatrist or therapist but I don't think talking about it with somebody will really fix it sadly. If anybody has experienced the same lmk what you did to at least calm it because I feel I've tried anything and starting to feel like this is how I'll be till I croak.