I 20F had a clg friend of mine, who recently passed away due to a really tragic accident. We were pretty good friends and it was very obvious that he liked me. I wasn't really sure if I liked him bc of which he never directly confessed to me, but we have mutual friends so words spread. He was one of the most mischievous guy in my class and the professors didn't really like him, always scolding and kicking him out of class bc he had that reputation. So most of the time he used to hangout with me to avoid getting scold since I was in professor's good books and that's how we got close. There was always this tension when you know you both are kinda interested in each other but no ones ready to address it. Idc how he behaved with others but he always defended me and had my back and so did i. We used to hangout as a grp of 5ppl everyday at clg, sometimes he used to call me at odd hours just to have random long talks, and those are really some of the best memories I have of him, i literally don't have any sad memory of him he was that much of a great guy. And it's been a week since he passed away I still can't accept that he's just gone. I attended his funeral but I couldn't bring myself to look at his face one last time and now i regret it so so much, my friends told me that they couldn't recognise him by looking at his dead body bc his injury was so fatal. And yesterday we had our exam and I didn't have the choice between grieving his death or passing that exam and idk why everyone else is pretending that he didn't exist i just can't get over him, i feel like we still had lots and lots of things to figure out and he just went without saying goodbye, i feel guilty that whenever he mustered up the courage to approach me and talk abt us i always kinda shut him down thinking that we have a lot of time left to figure out our feelings.
All my friends are avoiding talking about him bcoz they know abt us, and they think I'll be upset but I just want someone to mention him so that I can talk abt him, i miss him so much it's the worst. life is so short it's unfair that the person u deeply care about can be snatched away from you so suddenly so easily. Last night his bsf called me to finally talk abt him and I couldn't stop crying bc his face haunts me 24/7 and i think i'll miss him longer than I've ever known him.